It's freakin' Christmas! Or nearly. In the world of supermarkets, department stores and Warehouse ads, Christmas actually starts in early November, they're so eager to shove products down your throat. For the month of November and most of December I attempt to avoid these places so that I can avoid Christmas until the very last desperate minute. In my eyes Christmas doesn't begin until a few days before, when I go into a mad panic and start racking my brains for gift ideas, and remember that I'll have to plan my next week of meals as nothing will be open. This year, though, I've been thinking about the big day a little earlier than usual,mostly because of you people.
Gift giving is bloody hard, especially when it's for your really loved ones. Most of us are always afraid of getting the women in our lives clothing or accessories for fear they won't suit them, but I've been doing it for years for my mum and sister because I know their body shape. While I don't expect you to go out and get them a pair of slim-fit jeans in their size, I'm giving you a few tips down below on what would look amazing on their figures. Or your figure, if you're planning on shoving this in front of your lover's nose. Hints?
A gift for a pear shape:
If you remember to my series of blog posts about body shape, a pear is bottom heavy with a booty and thighs that are wider than her shoulders. A short-handled handbag is great for a pear because the bag sits just under the armpit and draws the eye upwards and away from her problem area. This bag is a classic and it'll be noticed because it's Marc by Marc Jacobs and the magpie eyes of most women will zero in on it faster than you can inhale. But if you really want to be making them look, then choose a style with bold embellishments or super-bright colours. Them magpies will swoon...
A gift for an hourglass:
Hourglass bodies are relatively in proportion from the shoulders to the hips, and tend to have a rather defined waist - though it could always do with further refinement through the use of a great dress! Peep toe heels are a dream for an hourglass body as they mimic the curve of the figure and lengthen the legs beautifully.
RED by Valentino heels, $270 from Shopbop.
A gift for a small strawberry:
A small strawberry is broad in the shoulders but doesn't necessarily have big boobs. Short and choker-style necklaces are devil's beans on her, but long necklaces are wonderful. A long necklace that stops around the tummy area will draw the eye downwards and away from those manly shoulders, as well as visually cutting the width of the shoulders in half with the V of the necklace.
Kagi pendant $129 and chain $229.
A gift for a big strawberry:
Big strawberries are top-heavy and carry most of their bulk in their boobs. While a V-neck T-shirt would be a safe option for a big strawberry to get under the Christmas tree, a belt also does good things to her shape. She wants to make it appear that she has a balanced hourglass physique, so once she has her V-neck on she can don this belt to further emphasise her elegant (faux) hourglass waist.
Sass & Bide belt, $329.
A gift for a banana:
Bananas are essentially rulers, except sweeter in personality and a bit more fruity. Straight up and down, the banana dreams for curves, so throw her a little junk for her trunk with these curve-enhancing togs. The high waist of these Kiwi-designed bikini bottoms will make the hips appear more shapely, and the moulded cup will give a bit of extra oomph upstairs.
Surface Too Deep bikini set, $250
A gift for an apple:
Now an apple carries her weight through her mid-section. She'll often have beautifully slim arms and legs and a pretty darn nice neck so it's important to flaunt these best bits. A short necklace that sits relatively high will draw the eye upwards and on to her amazing face and hot-as neck. And same with the ol' pear/magpie rule, the more bling, the louder they'll sing. In exitement. Over the necklace. And not even realise there's such thing as a tummy down there.
Peep Toe necklace, $130.
So there you have it poppets, now all you have to worry about is finding the piece to suit their taste; god forbid you get your gothic aunt a Juicy Couture handbag.
I'm up to my elbows right now cleaning out every single corner of my house - call it a very belated spring clean. See you next week with my fingers rubbed raw from scrubbing. Oh woe is me to not be a princess with staff who clean!