Megan Nicol Reed: The chattering classes
Here is a bunch of stuff middle-class people say, do, and spend their disposable income on. Part six in a series.
* We deserve it, dammit! We work our arses off. We pay our taxes. We sponsor that little girl in Sudan for $10 a month. What's her name again? Fay? Fanny? Fatimah ... that's it. Anyway, we are so entitled to fly business!
* We're having a party! We're getting married! We're planning Mum's funeral. We need a theme. Something festive. We're thinking British village fete-ish. Bunting! We need bunting. Lots of it. That's it. String it everywhere. Go on, you know you want to. Don't forget the portaloo, will you? Bunting, bunting everywhere!
* Who do you fancy on Game of Thrones? I never thought I'd say it, but I'd do that little guy for a dollar. Tyrion? Yeah, the dwarf. There's just something about him. Did you know he's married to like a normal-sized woman in real life?
* Oh man, I need coffee. Like I can't even function without it. Forget P! I had three short blacks in a row the other day and whoa, I was flying. Off my head. Outta my tree.
* Jasmine's on the raw-food diet. It's so good for her. We are, too, of course. Well, not the tripe. Or the wallaby, of course. But she just loves those meaty bones. And those cute little frozen cubes of offal. It's so good for dogs.
* We're living in this great building. Building? Like in New York or something? No. Freemans Bay. So, are you occupying a whole building or something? No, it's ... you know, an apartment. We just love the post-modern cinder blocks, though. Oh, you mean those old 70s council flats.
* The World Cup's in Brazil this year. Apparently their cuisine is about to go off. What do they eat there? Oh, I don't know. Beans and rice.
* I'm on dessert so I thought I'd try out this new recipe. It's gluten, dairy and sugar-free. Wow! It sounds amazing. What's in it? Umm ... chia seeds.
* What's that around your wrist? Oh that. I'm doing a little self-quantification experiment on myself. Seeing how I can improve my training. Diet. Sleep patterns. That kind of thing. Thank God. For a minute there I thought it was a home detention bracelet!
* I'm so proud of myself. I've been so organised this year. After missing out on that incredible place at Omaha last summer, and having to choose from Bookabach's dregs, I've taken the plunge early. Just praying the rest of the gang come on board with Whangamata.
* Those Countdown DreamWorks Heroes Action Cards finish today. Thank Christ. Can't say I'll be sorry to see the end of them. It's not quite an Alessi cutlery set, is it? Still, at least it distracted the kids from those frickin' Loom bands. I swear if I have to pick up another one of those itty bitty rubber bands from the floor again, I'll scream. I almost choked on one in my green smoothie the other morning.
* So I found this great recipe for a Spanish tomato soup, but it calls for shards of ham. WTF! Shards??!!
* I've been feeling pretty blah lately, actually. Really tired. I can't be bothered doing anything. I just wanna lie on the couch, watch House of Cards and eat Kohu Road's Macha ice cream - being green tea and everything, it's got loads of antioxidants. Plus my credit card is maxed out. I need something to look forward to. To live for. I'm thinking girls' weekend in Sydney.
* Vintage knits are so on-trend this winter. I saw this great one online the other day in Ruby's new-season range. I just love vintage.
* So, I've got a pantry full of quinoa, millet, amaranth, and coconut oil, and I don't know what the feck to do with any of it. Anyway, it makes me feel better knowing it's there. So the dilemma of the day is we've redone the ensuite with a sort of retro butcher's shop feel, but now, not only do the towels not match, but neither does my robe. What to do?