Why I owe Miranda Kerr $170
If Miranda Kerr authored the National Commission of Audit the tittles of the "i"s would have been love hearts instead of dots but, when it comes to bottom lines, the former Victoria's Secret Angel sure knows how to maintain a healthy one.
There are not too many models turned moguls who have the commercial versatility that she does. In her 17-year career, the 31-year-old has boosted the profit margins of numerous, and sometimes conflicting, conglomerates, in the fields of mass-produced haircare, ice tea, luxury skincare and sneakers.
Hustling is something she does often and does well because, while the rest of the world is debating whether or not she left her Hollywood heartthrob husband because he likes Grange more than Barry O'Farrell, she is laughing all the way the bank.
However, there is one talent the girl from Gunnedah, who is both adored and ridiculed for her fairy floss ideals about life, childbirth and super foods, is yet to capitalise on - her abilities as a life coach.
"I could be your life coach - I look after a lot of friends but I don't charge," she says while kicking off her shoes and taking a sip of tea (which she takes with goats' milk and a teaspoon of honey FYI).
"I'm certified in the US as a health practitioner, so I have my American Drugless Practitioners licence, so you could come to me and we could have a consultation to focus on the three areas of mind, body and soul."
It is at this point during our chat, which is at the end of a month-long promotional tour where she has been spruiking her latest ventures including the Miranda Kerr for Royal Albert tea set, her organic skincare line KORA Organics and a supermarket brand shampoo, that I realise Kerr is the Australian Gwyneth Paltrow. But, unlike the Goop founder, Kerr is certified.
I scratch out my token questions about her private life because, to be honest, I could not care less if she is dating James Packer. If she wants to date a man who wears trackie pants in public then that's on her. Instead, our interview morphs into what can best be described as a free therapy session, or a scene from Steel Magnolias.
"That's a little intimidating," she says, pointing to the axe pendant on my necklace. "If you're looking to meet a boy, I'm not sure you should have that around your neck."
Her all-female entourage, which includes several assistants, publicists, stylists and a make-up artist, are all very close.
"You find people that you're on the same wavelength with and surround yourself with people that are on the same wavelength, otherwise life just doesn't work," she says as I begin mentally culling my Facebook friend and Christmas card lists.
"I'm going to be godmother," Kerr, who is already the spiritual guide for two of her friend's children, states while pointing to another heavily pregnant friend in the room before offering us all maternity advice.
"Don't forget you have to give birth to a placenta after you give birth to a baby. No one told me that. Not even my mother. You actually have to give birth a second time. I thought they came out together. Nobody told me."
These days, Kerr is all about balance, something she says is vital for personal, spiritual and professional success.
"If there's something where you're giving too much in one area and you're not balancing the other sides out, you don't have a perspective of the whole, then you'll feel depleted or exhausted or run down or worried or anxious," she says.
"How are you in your family life? Your spiritual life? Your health? We look at all of the areas that need work and what is it in each of those areas, where is it that your balanced or unbalanced, because if all of those areas are balanced you're fulfilled."
This focus on "balance" is why we won't be seeing her on the big or small screen any time soon, a rumour that has been circulating since 2011, when she was spotted cavorting with Hollywood heavyweight Harvey Weinstein.
"It's a balance between the current contracts I have and balancing out that time I have with [her son] Flynn," she says. "That's a priority because a lot of the contracts I have are over the next two years, so we've got that in the calendar and taking three months to do a movie is not realistic at the moment but it's something in the future that I'm definitely open to. It's not something that I'm actively seeking but I'm a very open personality and I feel like you can never say never. Never say never and never says always."
She is focusing on pursuing a life out of the spotlight, in the literal sense anyway - her Instagram account tells a different story.
"I love being involved on a creative level and on a business level on all my projects, so being in front of the camera less is something that I'm passionate about and what I'm keen to expand on," she says.
While we are on the topic of cameras, I ask her - the queen of the social media selfie - if she would be willing to share her tips for taking the perfect self portrait.
"Well, it depends on your face shape. Generally I feel like you have to have the camera up. The camera a little bit higher is more flattering on most people's faces, so you're looking up to the camera as opposed to down, because underneath you get a bit of the gobble gobble," she says tapping her non-existent sagging turkey neck.
"The light has to be right.
"And you look up to the camera as if it's someone that you really care about, not like it's a camera.
"You gotta get in the moment, like be present. When you're in the moment you connect with the camera, you can tell if a person is connected when you look at their eyes."
She leads by example and attempts to take one with me. It does not go well.
"You were thinking about it too much, just relax and remember practice makes perfect," she says.
"Thanks coach," I say as I leave my hour-long session with Miranda Kerr, life coach.
Sydney Morning Herald