Would these make 2014 better?
In an attempt to avoid any sort of self-reflection that might result in making New Year's resolutions that will be broken by midday tomorrow, we have instead compiled a list of suggested resolutions for other people.
Here's our top 10 pieces of unsolicited advice for the people on our list to have a better 2014:
Do a daily sudoku/crossword
Sudoku, and other puzzles like it, are meant to be good for improving your memory. Key's latest memory blank was a failure to recall his stance on the divisive 1981 Springbok tour. Key later said he "had a whole lot of other things to do at the time," and was not "going to bother going into it".
Think before you speak.
Global warming is real, man walked on the moon, and we are yet to see the "day of reckoning" you promised after the marriage equality law was passed. Actioning the filter between brain and mouth might be a good idea coming into election year.
Keep the pants on.
It should go without saying, but this one is particularly important to stick to in the workplace.
Put the pants on.
And stop with the giraffe impersonations - put your tongue back in your mouth where it belongs.
Don't get your honey where you make your money.
After the cannot-be-unseen horror that is the music video to Kanye's Bound, he needs to resolve to never again partake in Bring Your Wife to Work Day.
No more beersies for you.
Gilmore has posted on his blog he is "very much enjoying being self employed", which is lucky. Overindulging on a night out brought out the "dickhead" in Gilmore, so a teetotal 2014 might not be the worst idea - unlike threatening an unsuspecting waiter with the wrath of the Prime Minister.
Settle down with a nice girl.
Maybe one of the single Silver Ferns - imagine the super genetically-blessed babies.
Turn the lights on before getting dressed.
Stop assaulting our eyes with your garish shirt and tie combinations. Or, keep them, and keep off our TV screens.
Chew your food properly
In order to avoid risk of choking.
The team at 7 Days
Film at least one episode where there isn't some tired joke about either Hamilton or Palmerston North.
New Zealand has many, many backwater towns deserving of a disparaging mention.