The things we do when love goes wrong

BREE PLAYER
Last updated 05:00 11/06/2013
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LOVE ME DO: Relationship breakups can make even the most sane woman go a little crazy.

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These are all tales from normal women. I can absolutely vouch for that - they are my friends and people I work with and I have never had reason to believe they are crazy - until I asked them about their breakups...

THE ONLINE SCAMMER

"He absolutely pursued me and at first I wasn't all that interested. But he wouldn't give up and eventually I agreed to go on a date. We ended up dating for six months and just when I was starting to really fall for him, he broke up with me out of the blue. His reason? None - except to say he just wasn't feeling it anymore. That week I found an unopened credit card statement he was using as a bookmark in a book he had left at my place. Of course I opened it and discovered that he was being billed for an online dating site. I joined immediately under an alias and pursued him. My alias lived in Melbourne. He fell for it and we talked every day for the next couple of months until finally I arranged to 'fly to Sydney and meet him.' Seeing him check in on Facebook to Sydney Domestic Airport that morning was priceless."

THE ITALIAN JOB

"My boyfriend broke up with me, went on a European trip and met a girl in Italy. I met someone else not long after and we started dating, but I was still so bitter about my ex that I irrationally developed an official hatred of Italy and anything to do with it. I refused to go to Italian restaurants - I told my new boyfriend I couldn't eat pasta. Whenever anyone talked about travelling to Italy I raved on like a lunatic about how much I hated the place - I'd never even been there. I refused to watch a movie simply because it was set in Italy. Eventually I got over it and admitted to my boyfriend why I had a six month aversion to all things Italy. Luckily he found it hilarious and teases me whenever we go out for pizza now."

THE SPITEFUL SEXPOT

"After my last breakup, I deliberately sought out and slept with one of the friends my ex most looks up to. I have never had sex out of spite before, but he just made me so angry I felt like it was the only way to get the poison out. Afterwards I felt like a minx, and if anyone ever asks, I'll deny that I'd planned it all along."

THE STALKER

"I wouldn't give up. I called him nonstop. Then started to message him daily asking 'Dinner plans this evening?' or 'DOA (dead or alive)' Next move - I joined his gym and started turning up. Then sent personalised cupcakes of his favourite football team. That's when I really kicked things up a notch... I started ignoring him for a few weeks. I stopped going to the gym, ignored his calls and texts and IT ALL WORKED, we're very much dating now."

THE TOOTHBRUSH TOILET CLEANER

"I'm not particularly proud of this and I hope no one ever does it to me. I knew he was about to dump me so I cleaned his toilet with his toothbrush and put it back where it was."

THE FACEBOOKER

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"Well I Facebooked stalked him of course. But you know me. I had to take it to the next level. Anytime he would check in somewhere on facebook I would drive straight there and check in as I drove past. Then I started driving past places he frequents... you know football training, the gym, the pub and I would check in there too. I don't still do it or anything. I stopped after about six weeks. Wait. You look horrified. This couldn't possibly be the craziest?"

THE GARBAGE COLLECTOR

"I actually did go through his garbage. About a month after we broke up we were at the same party and after a few too many drinks I ended up going back to his place. I asked him if he had been with anyone else since we broke up and he said he hadn't. A quick search through his bathroom bin proved that he had."

THE CYBER STALKER

"I knew and could guess all of his passwords. I read all of his emails and then I logged on to his Facebook and deleted every single girl he was friends with except his mum, aunt and sisters. He never said anything so maybe he doesn't know it was me?"

THE NEW GIRL

"I wasn't upset when the guy I'd been seeing for a couple of months dumped me. But I was pissed off. So I applied for a job at his work without telling him. Then I turned up to the interview looking good and sat there winking at him through the glass wall of his boss' office. The funniest part was I was offered the job. No, I didn't take it."

- The Vine

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