The seven deadly sins of dating

MJ ANGEL
Last updated 12:54 16/09/2013
dating

DARK SIDE OF LOVE: Don't let budding relationships fade to black because of shadow behaviours.

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Ever wondered why a certain relationship just fizzled out, questioned why "Mr Right" suddenly became "Mr No Longer Returning Your Calls" or been head-in-hands asking "where did it all go wrong"?

Have you found yourself on the receiving end of conduct from a new love interest that left you evaluating your own better judgment and had you running for the hills?

Do we sometimes forget that relationships and their ability to flourish often rely heavily on our own initial behaviours and the messages they convey to others?

When it comes to navigating the ever-changing minefield of dating, there are seven deadly sins thou shalt not commit if you want to give a new relationship it's best chance of survival, according to the chief love officer at Last First Date, Sandy Weiner.

Also referred to as the "man whisperer", Weiner is an internationally renowned dating coach, blogger and workshop leader who teaches women how to better communicate with and understand men, as well as guiding them on the do's and don'ts of modern dating.

So what are the seven deadly sins of dating that could leave you scratching your head and single?

Thou shall not lust: Too often we meet a man who won't commit because he thinks there might be someone better out there for him and we can fall into the trap of thinking the grass is greener.

"It's very simple... women need to be crystal clear on what they want in a man and stop chasing and dating emotionally unavailable men," Weiner says.

Gluttony: No one wants to date a cling-on and showing signs of neediness or desperation is unattractive.

Weiner teaches that self-esteem is our sexiest attribute, which plays a huge part in attracting the right potential partner. The more you know and love yourself, the more you'll know what you want and need in a relationship.

"It's all about confidence. Confidence is sexy; you are sexy when you exude confidence. When you have clarity and confidence, that's when you'll attract a committed relationship with a quality guy," Weiner says.

Greed: Women who love the money, not the man. Call them gold diggers, sugar babies or opportunists, women seeking a human ATM are sabotaging any chance they have of a meaningful emotional connection.

"Putting money and material objects before respect, trust, commitment and love is a guaranteed recipe for disaster," warns Weiner.

Sloth: One of the main reasons new relationships fizzle or fail is complacency, when one or both parties fail to put in the effort.

Weiner cautions against letting the relationship become boring and reminds us that a good relationship takes work. Being complacent or lazy during the initial stages of dating is inexcusable and shows an incapacity to maintain a meaningful relationship.

"People pick up on inconsistencies," she says. "If your words and actions don't line up, you can't build trust. This isn't about lying as much as being irregular in your behaviours."

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Wrath: Hell may hath no fury like a woman scorned, but the scorned will be destined for singledom if they continue to harbour anger towards an ex or dwell on issues from a previous relationship.

Are you bringing an air of anger and bitterness into your dating life? Before entering into a new relationship, Weiner believes it's important to let go of any residual resentment or anger.

"When you allow anger to seep into a date, especially before you even know the other person well, the message is: 'I'm a victim' - and that's a turn off," says Weiner.

Envy: Jealousy is an ugly emotion and no one wants to date a green-eyed monster. Jealousy breeds insecurity and there is nothing more off-putting to a new partner than someone who is constantly questioning their actions or are begrudging of others.

"If you're jealous of an ex moving on or a friend who seems to have better luck in dating than you, instead of focusing your energy on envying how well they're doing, let other's successes inspire you to try harder," says Weiner. "Don't bring that jealousy to your date or new relationship."

Pride: Self-centredness is not sexy. In the early stages of a relationship egotism and self-absorption can be instant deal-breakers.

Weiner warns that people who turn down potential dates on face value because the person doesn't tick enough boxes, make enough money or isn't attractive enough are damaging their potential to meet a mate.

Thinking that no one is good enough for you is a sure-fire way to ensure you remain single for a very long time.

"If you talk incessantly about yourself on a date and don't listen well or ask enough questions, you will turn off your date and ruin your chance for future dates," says Weiner. "The art of learning to listen is the key to being a great conversationalist and getting that next date."

Are there any other deadly sins thou should not commit when dating?

- Sydney Morning Herald

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