Great sexpectations for Valentine's Day
The age old question of what women want is particularly pertinent on Valentine's Day, and "some cheese and a pineapple" just isn't going to cut it.
But no need to fret - a survey shows opposite sexes are in agreement, for once, on how they want to spend the day.
Adult retailer Sexgear conducted a fun "What Does Valentine's Mean to You" survey, with results indicating "the love will be flowing freely this Valentine's with both men and women agreeing on almost everything."
Both men and women expected to get intimate this Valentine's according to the survey, with 60 per cent of responders saying they expected to have sex.
Embracing the romance of the day were 31 per cent of men and 30 per cent of women, with both sexes agreeing they prefer to spend Valentine's Day with a homemade dinner, film and quality time together.
Sexgear spokeswoman Katie Byrne said the survey highlighted Kiwis like to take it easy at Valentine's and keep it simple.
"The trends indicate that most New Zealanders would like to get a little amorous, enjoy the company of their loved one and spend an intimate evening together. It all sounds pretty blissful."
A slim 12.8 per cent of overall respondents stated that Valentine's Day is pointless.
As for gift-giving? A whopping 77 per cent of overall respondents stated that they did not expect a gift at Valentine's, but lead contenders if they were to choose a gift were 'their lover', followed by 'intimate goodies to spice up their evening', and 'a card and simple gesture'.
While most people did not expect a gift, over half of survey responders said they had never had a bad gift.
Not everyone has been so lucky in love, however.
Some bad gifts specified as received on the survey were "some cheese and a pineapple"; "being dumped" and receiving "a dinner set".
One small piece of advice to men: if you are going to buy a gift, choose carefully.
Years ago, my father bought my mother an iron for Valentine's Day, and he's still got its imprint on his head.