Often it's said it will take you as long to 'get over' a broken hear/relationship as you were in the relationship for. I found out through experience that this was the case in that although I dated some people I really wasn't ready to risk and be committed to someone again until quite a time had passed. When looking back it actually had taken me about 3 years to be ready for embarking on a new serious relationship, after one of 3 years finished. Maybe other people have the same experience. My mother was married for about 18 years, and she never was 'ready' for another relationship although she did go out with people a few times. She was very bitter though and didn't trust others again - even as friends, which ended up with her being a very lonely person.

Am in the same boat and look forward to reading comments.

Vicky I understand how you are feeling. I too was shattered when my marriage come to an end late last year. Although there was no infidelity by either party the statement I don't want to be married anymore floored me. I just never saw it coming! After very close to 5 years of marriage being single again was scary. I never made the decision to start dating again per say I was just going out and having a good time.... some how and I don't even really know how I have ended up seeing someone (crazy considering its only been a few little months since my marriage ended). I have found by not expecting anything and just taking it as it comes is the best way to move forward with this, I enjoy our time together but also love the nights I have to myself. Remember you don't have to make any commitments to a new person, test the water and see what happens. If you don't think your ready then you can just stop dating until you think your ready to try again. Wishing you all the best and that you find someone who is interesting, funny and makes you happy.

hate to rain on your parade there Vicky, but consider this (and I am speaking to myself here to). The sort of person you married, is the same sort of person that you will be attracted to again. Hence the same character flaws will be evident in the second relationship. So there is no gaurantee that the same thing wont happen again. Now are you really ready to step back into that prison cell again? You are freer now than you will ever be. Don't lose your future freedom chasing something that quite possibly does not exist.

I have been through this too, although it was my decision to end my marriage, so maybe that makes it a little easier. I was quite happy on my own for about 2 years, finding myself and feeling more independant. I am now in another relationship of a few months and it has been kind of a rocky road. I didn't realise how much my marriage would affect the way I related to a new partner. My advice is this: don't rely on anyone else to make you happy. Learn to love yourself and get yourself happy first; it seems to me this is when you attract the people and situations that you want. Then take things really slow, don't expect to end up marrying the first person you date, just enjoy their company and let them enjoy the awesome person you are! If things go pear-shaped, you will still have that inner happiness to keep you going. Good luck! There are still some good men out there. :)

The only advice I'd give is to get out there, see people, do things, date - just don't go looking for the "love of your life". That will come, but if you try and force it you could end up making a mistake that you'll bitterly regret. Enjoy some male company, but don't look to marry the first guy that comes along.

@ k2 #4 What a load of crap! No doubt you call yourself a realist, but really, you just sound bitter. Go and test the water Vicky, after meeting a few people, as well as continuing to process the past and move forward you are better equipt to make more informed decisions about what you need from a man. There is nothing like a failed relationship to help you understand all the things you don't want again.

PLEASE don't listen to k2 #4. It's not true.

Hi Vicky, if you are thinking your new man will have to deal with your excess baggage, and fix you, then you are not ready to be meeting someone else. There are two people in any relationship, you, and the other person and you should meet on as even emotionally stable grounds as possible, or at least be ready to progress with them if it works out. Are you even confident that you are emotionally available? if you are still reeling from the breakup. If you want to talk about your ex, distract yourself, or boost your self confidence then look for friends, failing that be 100 percent honest from the get go with anyone you meet so they at least have some choice before they potentially become attached to someone who cant feel anything for them.

I am so sorry for you. My husband of 20 years has walked out on us, and i have no idea what to do. Its very scary reading that it can take as long as the relationship lasted to get over it...20years is a long time, im no youngun either. I wish you all the best, and I hope you find happiness again.