Advice: He's getting cold feet

Last updated 10:30 28/11/2013

They were discussing marriage but now he's changed his tune - what should she do? 

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Hi,

I'm hoping you can give me some advice.

My partner is 25 and I'm 29 and we love each other to bits. We are trying to get pregnant which hasnt happened yet. We have always talked about getting married, and what we will do etc, but ever since some family drama went down that has all changed. 

I asked him straight away what was wrong, and why we don't talk like that anymore and he said he isn't sure if he wants to marry me. Naturally this upset me, he said that after everything we have been through over the past few months it has made him unsure if he wants that now - he did say that he still loves me though.  

I rebutted and said no matter what happened previously with us (which is a whole lot worse) I never once changed how I felt, but I feel like things got too hard for him.

I'm not to sure on what to do, I love him and I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him but he isn't sure if he wants that anymore.

Thanks,

Worried.

Dear Worried, 

It must be very difficult when you have made plans for your future and circumstances change. There are two things I am wondering about that you may want to think about.

One, if your partner decides that he never wants to get married and does not change his mind will that be enough for you? Two, is your relationship secure enough to be considering children at the moment?

I only ask because it sounds like you are wondering about your future with your partner? On one hand you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with him and on the other it sounds like you are confused and hurt that he no longer wants to marry you?

If you are hurting could that hurt come between you? Have you sat down and talked about what your future together would look like if he no longer wants to marry you - if not - perhaps that's the first step to deciding what you want in your future.

Remember a loving committed relationship is the foundation for a wonderful future.

Kind Regards,

Diane 

For more advice and information on counselling, visit Relationships Aotearoa online or join them on Facebook.

We'd love to hear your take on this week's issue. Before you comment below, though, remember that this is a real-life situation. This reader has bravely shared their personal life with you; please show them respect by refraining from hurtful or abusive comments.

- Stuff

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