Advice: I found his porn

Last updated 05:00 27/02/2014

She found some worrying things on his phone and their computer ... can she get the trust back? 

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Hi there,

I've been with my husband for six years, married for three years. 

Recently I found photos on his phone of women tattood half naked, bent over in g-strings. Then to top it off, the day after I found photos on his phone I was on the computer looking in the history and found he had been looking up 
porn and websites for one night stands.

I've confronted him, he swears it didn't mean anything, but as for the computer stuff he has nothing to say.

Any advice ... what do I do?

Confused

Dear Confused, 

You must be experiencing a range of mixed feelings right about now!

I'm reading between the lines here, but I wonder if you are struggling with feelings of unfaithfulness?

Pornography can be very addictive, but more problematic is the issue of trust and seeking one night stands.

You have to decide where your boundaries are and what you expect from your partner. What is he willing to do to address the issue? When these kinds of behaviours enter into your relationship and are not addressed it opens the door to all kinds or problems rising up.

Some couples enjoy pornography and see it as a healthy part of their relationship, but this has to be mutual. If it's not and it sounds like it is not from your email, then you need to talk this through and develop some agreements that will begin to repair that damage and restore trust, and be prepared that this may take some time and it won't happen overnight. 

All the best with your road ahead, 

Louise 

For more advice and information on counselling, visit Relationships Aotearoa online or join them on Facebook.

We'd love to hear your take on this week's issue. Before you comment below, though, remember that this is a real-life situation. This reader has bravely shared their personal life with you; please show them respect by refraining from hurtful or abusive comments.

- Stuff

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