Trying to conceive
I really don't want to seem like one of those crazy, creepy, baby stealers, but I love getting the chance to play with other people's babies.
Also, don't tell anyone, but I can't help but look at baby clothes in the Warehouse either. The little, shoes, the little baby grows... I try my best not to, but I can't help but slow down in the baby stuff aisle in Pak 'N Save either.
Its right by the deodorant you see, and the bibs and toys and soft plush blankets...they are all right there.
I always feel guilty doing it, like I am hanging out on the peripherals of a club I don't quite belong to yet. ("Pick me! Pick me! Pleeease!")
I cautiously look around before gently feeling the soft clothes- sounds silly but I am waiting for someone to say over the instore PA system.
"Will the lady in isle 10 please step away from the baby shoes, you are not pregnant and you are not a mum yet- this aisle is for pregnant ladies and mums only, please step away."
I look at the rows of nappies and baby formula and think "Gosh, how does all of this stuff work?" I feel a mixture of excitement and nervousness.
I have another confession to make... I have already bought a wall decal for a baby nursery. In fact, I bought it over a year ago.
But what really gets me all "clucky" as my dear friend Ria puts it... is getting to hold a baby.
One of my friends has two little ones, a two year old and a two-month-old, we went out for coffee a few weeks back and she let me feed baby.
I have a basic understanding of baby care, so I burped him and he shortly fell asleep.
"Ahhh," she said, "you have the magic touch".
I felt like I had won a prize, I was pretty chuffed actually.
I really enjoyed holding him and looking at him and looking at his little fingers wrap around my finger. Little eye lashes and cute little button nose.
I know, I know - "they are a lot of hard work too, they are not always so cute" (another confession, I also bought the book "How Not To F*ck Them Up" by Oliver James and I am well aware there is more to being a mother than the sentimental stuff).
But I enjoyed that moment with my friend's baby. I really enjoyed taking in the miracle of new life and marvelling at how incredible it is that two people can actually make another human being, if you think about it, it's nothing short of a spectacular miracle.
And it gave me a chance to ponder; dream perhaps of what it will be like with my own baby, what kind of moments will we share? What kind of mum will I be? What kind of dad will Justin be? Who will the baby look like?
So I get the warm fuzzies and feel this kind of, I am not sure how to explain it, but kind of a love bubble I guess, it kind of sits in your core? (Please tell me someone out there has experienced this too and I am not insane!).
What's wrong with me?
So in the quest to try diagnose myself and what is physiologically happening in my brain that gives me these warm fuzzies, I did some research.
As it turns out, I am not crazy; broodiness is actually complex hormonal interaction with the female parts of the brain.
According to Dr Sarah Brewer, author of "I Want To Have A Baby?" the drive to procreate and reproduce is instinctive, and obviously, if we didn't have this, our species would have died out centuries ago.
Evolutionary psychology (which looks at why our brains are wired the way they are) shows that the brain is a physical system and it's operation is governed solely by the laws of chemistry and physics.
So, the academics say, this means all of our thoughts and hopes and dreams and feelings are produced by chemical reactions going on in our heads.
Putting this together, I guess it makes sense if I hypothesise this: I love my partner, we want to have a baby, the more time I spend with babies, the more the chemicals and hormones in my brain change, then comes the psychosomatic sensations- the warm fuzzies!
(Please note: I am not a trained psychologist, although I will be studying for my Post-Graduate Diploma in Psychology this year, this is a non-educated hypothesis, derived from a few minutes of Google searching and conjecture.)
The truth is I could not find a specific medical journal article outlining which exact chemicals or hormones give me the warm fuzzies, all I know is that they are there and I can't help it.
Anyone else had the same sensations? Please let me know!! I have taken a couple weeks leave for a trip to Sunny South Africa, but will be back on February 11.
Any other questions about getting ready for baby? Drop me a line! firstname.lastname@example.org
- Essential Mums