In a land far, far away there is an altar where Kardashians have not bastardised what it means to be a bride, where Pippa Middleton's derriere does not exist and the word "Wang" refers to an appendage not appliqué - that place is a hipster wedding.
Heading to Bali, Bintang and braids was all the rage for couples in 2010.
In 2011 weddings were ritzy affairs that featured two custom McQueen's and a balcony kiss with a balding prince - now 2012's season for saying "til death do us part" is all about covert affairs, hand crafts and ad hoc touches.
Even since Carrie wore a suit when Big finally put a ring on it, Mossy's revelled in a three-day fashtastic love in and Kim K committed crimes against the Church of the Good Taste - the hipsters, with their personalised bunting, floral garlands and shoelessness, have come into their own as brides by not giving a sartorial s**t.
While some high-profile brides have gone down the "I'll-just-call-up-old mate J'Aton/Galliano/Herrera-to-whip-some-tulle-together-for-me"route, others have abolished the word "bridal" from their style brief or just borrowed a Janome to make their own frock and accessories.
Given the amount of celebrity hipster "non-weddings" that have already taken place this year alone, "hipster bride" is destined to appear on the ASOS trend guide faster than the time it takes this writer to spell "bonbonniere" correctly.
Before that happens, in anticipation of a golden age where every bride looks like a chic sugared almond rather than a spray tanned meringue, here are the wives who have blazed the trail and taken their vows at the altar of DIY fashion:
The 40-year-old jewellery designer was almost upstaged at her wedding by her former model mother Bianca, her D&G clad old man Mick Jagger and bestie Kate Moss covered in McQueen (and cigarette ash and Champagne), however her stark white "dress by no-one" with thin straps, scoop neckline and crystal clasp embellishments stole the show, as did the flowers in her bed hair.
The fashion heiress' wedding, which took place on a grassy knoll and featured a giant love heart shaped cake covered in fresh raspberries, caused a style stir mainly because the gown required more than 5,679,784 metres of silk and organza from the Missoni stockpile.
It was reported, much to the chagrin of the woman in question that the creamy, long sleeved, voluminous Princess Bride-esque frock was a DIY creation because of the 14,000 styling references she appeared to channel on her big day.
The gown was actually sketched by Marg and stitched by Giambattista Valli - she, and she alone, decided to plait her hair like a milk maid and wear a jewel encrusted Wonder Women-type tiara and flats.
"The dress was made by the women who saw me growing up, following my precise directions and with Giamba's 'couture counselling," the bride tweeted after a furore over who made the frock erupted online.
Peaches wanted a "country wedding meets A Midsummer Night's Dream" and her recent wedding to Tom Cohen had it all - edible pig cakes, seven bridesmaids, one dandelion headdress and three "custom" gowns designed by Alberta Ferretti which were all signed off by Peaches, who added long laced sleeves and a train to rival Fergie's 1986 version.
Acting may not be Hathaway's forte but wedding clashing certainly is because she wore Valentino frou frou with a bedazzled bandana. Even though the dress (she helped design) resembled a muted version of Gwen Stefani's Dior white and pink silk faille gown, the Les Mis star committed to vintage - whether it worked or not - and owned it.
Jessa from Girls
Ok so it wasn't a real wedding but TV's favourite hipster Jessa (Jemima Kirke) tied the knot with Chris O'Dowd's character in an ivory shift dress found in a Williamsburg thrift store owned by Kirke's real life mother.
Her blue suede studded Alexander McQueen heels, white garter, lace veil and floral headdress completed the "I've decided to marry this douche" look which was pulled together by Girls costume designer Jenn Rogien in less than six days.
The dress was almost overshone by the use of Yankin' by Lady as the couple said "I do" - luckily as a wedding planner series creator Lena Dunham makes a great television writer.
The UK journalist who snared Chris O'Dowd's Irish heart (in real life) married her man in a royal blue fleece onesie and ate a Magnum for dinner at the reception. Enough said.
While we have to wait until Martha Stewart releases the images, the blonde Gossip Girl who has a thing for cupcakes (baking not eating them obviously) was reportedly a "creative bride with a clear vision of what she wanted" for her top secret nuptials to Ryan Reynolds.
As she doesn't consult a stylist for her red carpet appearances she oversaw every stitch being made on her one-of-a-kind hand-draped silk tulle Marchesa gown adorned with crystal and rose gold embroidery.
So while we wait for Jessica and Justin and Jennifer and Justin T to run away to Middle-Of-Nowhere, Idaho to tie the knot (for lucrative magazine deals) in private, wedding gown designer Henry Roth reckons downunder brides are more hip than their Americano cousins and have got the leg up on celebrities hot footing it down the aisle.
Speaking to The Vine recently he said he believes local brides-to-be are innately "hipster" because of our isolation to the land that introduced us to The Bachelor and Bridezillas.
"[They] are extremely sophisticated and on top of that they are prepared to really go to the furthest point to ensure their personal style shines through."
- © Fairfax NZ News
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