Wedding woes: Inviting extra hens

22:19, Jul 22 2012

So I received the two emails below within days of each other and a couple of days AFTER I muttered The Exact Same Thing to my bride of honour. Creepy how that works. So here are Becks' and Kirsty's (and, um, my) questions: 

Becks asks: 

Hi Greer

I have been asked by my MOH to do up a guest list for my hens night, and I'm unsure about who to invite.
 
I have so many friends and I can't invite everyone to the wedding as once the family was all accounted for there wasn't much room left for our friends. My partner and I are paying for the wedding and we are on quite a tight budget so there are a few friends who we haven't been able to invite. So my woe is, is it too weird/rude to invite someone to the hens night that isn't coming to the wedding?
 
Thanks Becks

****

Hi Greer
 
I'm just after your opinion regarding hens/stag nights.

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After changing our minds several time on when and where to have our wedding, we have finally decided to have it in Rarotonga with only immediate family and a couple of close friends. My question is, would it still be appropriate to have a hens night/stag do and invite friends and family who aren't invited to the actual wedding?

I'd still like to have a hens night, but it doesn't seem right saying to someone "I'd love you to come to my hens night, just not my wedding..."
 
What do you think?
 
Thanks,
Kirsty

****

Honestly, this one really stumps me! (And if anyone has the answer or advice, halp!) 

I'm in the same boat. Right now, maid of honour is organising my hen party. I have given her a list of ladies attending our wedding whom I am close to, and she and the other bridesmaids are helping organise this day as a surprise. (Thanks, ladies!)

It'll be great; it'll be so much fun to have all these women around me who have played some kind of important role in my life.

But I, like the other girls above, kind of wondered if there was a way I could invite other women who I am close with to the hen night without inviting them to the wedding?

They are people who I really, realllllly like but for budget and venue size restrictions, simply can't "fit" into the wedding.

I feel awful even contemplating it; they're not "b" grade friends, they're just different. They might be workmates, or new friends, or my girlfriends' family or friends.

Then there are the actual "b" list. Yes, they exist. I have a tiny "b" list who basically I really want to be there, but if certain people who we "had" to invite say they can't make it, then they'll get the call up. (I know, it sounds AWFUL. But it's just our reality.) So should I invite any of those girls to my hen party? Gah!

Now I'm wondering if it's just a girl thing? Future husband advises me he's invited guys to his stag do who aren't coming to the wedding. (I'm guessing they're keen because no guy would get his nose out of joint at being invited to get boozy and a bit silly...)

I guess I just can't imagine the conversation: "Hey! Want to come to my hens night? You're not in my top 25 mates/family but meh, come party anyway!"

That's what I want to say... but I just can't work out if it's the done thing or not.

Of course this all kind of goes out the window considering I'm not planning my hens... so who knows what I'm in for... 

So tell me, is it cool to invite people to hen or stag parties who aren't invited to the wedding? Would you do it or have you done it? Have you ever been invited to such as occasion without the follow-up wedding?

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