For those who can't make it

00:22, Oct 04 2012

There comes a time in planning a wedding when a sinking realisation hits that despite your best efforts, sometimes not everyone you'd love to be there can make it.

I have to say, this has been one of the hardest things to deal with thus far.

No matter how much you plan and arrange, pray and hope, there will always be an event that clashes, or circumstances out of your or maybe your guests' control that means they simply won't make it to your special day.

When writing our guest lists, we had a pretty large group of "certains" - people we could lock in, Eddie.

Slowly but surely as the weeks have passed (OK, nothing slow about them at all), some "certains" have become have become Team "sorry, can't" or Team "maybe" as various things have popped up.* 

We get it. Whether it's prior commitments, money issues, double bookings, work, or whatever, overall we've actually been feeling a bit deflated by our ever-growing list of people who can't make it.


It's not like it's the social event of the year or anything, but when people always say "invite those you imagine being with on the day" and then you realise that you're not going to see them there, it (unfortunately and not intentionally) becomes a sad distraction from the people who will be there.

It has, at times, been hard to keep our chins up and hearing of one particular person not being able to make it actually made me cry my first and only (so far) wedding-related tears. Maybe I was just exceedingly hormonal or something that day but in my mind's eye, this person was always at my wedding. Now it's looking as though they won't be... and I know the same goes for some of the guests Beyonce invited too (though no word on if he's shed man-tears about this).

It's not just us feeling stink though. We know so many of those who have RSVP'd "no" (or told us they plan to) are feeling just as bad, if not worse, that they can't be there.

Right now I imagine a bunch of our friends and family who can't come are reading this and thinking "Way to guilt-trip us, Greer" but it isn't about that.

I guess I'm just trying to work out a way to get past thinking about the people who can't make it and focus on the ones who will be there.

Knowing how this felt, I tried to make our friends who got married recently a bit better about the fact my future husband (who would have been one of their groomsmen) couldn't be at their wedding.

I recorded him on Skype and played his message to them on the big screen at their reception as a surprise. I'm pleased to say there was barely a dry eye in the house and though it was barely a substitute for having him there, it was something.

So it's got me thinking about ways we can include our loved ones far away.

I've already discussed filming the wedding, and also live-streaming (which I still may do... there's certainly enough watchers to make it worth the effort!) but what else?

I'm guessing we'll have messages sent from people who can't make it to be read out by whoever (who does this? The MC?) but I'm starting to think of ways to include some special people in our super-special day.

I'd love to hear examples of how you guys dealt or plan to deal with this issue! Or is this the final sign that I've lost the plot in Bridezillaville and I'm the only one who has dealt with this or even thought about it?

Who were you gutted that couldn't make your big day? How did you include those who couldn't make it?

* Of course now I've scared the rest of our guest list into RSVPing yes to us for fear of my rage. Whoops. Sorry! 

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