Today's wedding woe comes from J, who asks:
Help I'm having a crisis! I've changed my mind about where I want to get married.
I got engaged in April and soon after decided that we would get married in Taranaki where we live and where his family all live.
But now I have doubts I think I want to get married at home in Southland where my parents live.
We have planned on having the ceremony in his parents garden but they haven't lived there long so it has no real significance with either of us.
But my parents place was where I grew up and where my dad also grew up and pretty soon the farm will be sold and dairy farmers will live there and keep bobby calves in the wardrobes.... And the place will never be the same again!
I don't want to upset his family by changing my mind because his mother in particular is really excited and has been doing all sorts of things in the garden for it. I know I need to make up my mind and soon!
I haven't told my mum of this yet as I don't want to get her hopes up as I think she was a little disappointed that I decided to get married up here, it just seemed logical at the time.
Anyway you may not tell me anything I haven't already thought of but more advice the better I think.
Ooooeeee I *so* get you on this one. We're also getting married in my man's home town and a couple of times I've had that same pang of 'Eep, am I getting married in the right place?'.
The way I've justified it is: It actually doesn't matter where we get married. Wherever you go, people will (probably) have to travel, you'll inconvenience someone (or multiple people) and others will just never understand.
I've had a few people ask why I'm not getting married in my home town (Er, Hamilton!) and it's simple - 1) it's Hamilton and 2) we have no link there as a couple. We met for the first time in Beyonce's home town, we spend a lot of time there and love the region, and it turns out our venue has a lot of family history which we didn't know about when we put it on our list of potential spots. All up, I've come to realise that even though it's given his family the "home town advantage" so-to-speak, we are our own little family now and it's up to us where we start to make those memories.
For you, I think your want to get married at your parents' place is lovely, and totally understandable. However if it gets sold, that little piece of family history becomes inaccessible. How will you show potential kiddies where you got married? How will you feel not being able to pop in? Will it eventually become a place you resent because it's not a part of your life anymore?
If getting married in your man's home patch isn't sitting well (and I can understand why, it does feel overwhelming at times and I feel bad for my family for having to go somewhere they're not used to), why not pick a third venue that isn't linked to anyone? It's not too late to change your mind at all. It sounds like you're having a casual-ish wedding in a garden and the good news is that gardens are EVERYWHERE in NZ! Is there a place you went on holiday once that you loved? Do you have special spots you've always wanted to go? Why not meet half-way and go somewhere in between the two potential venues.
I hope this helps. Don't worry too much about your mother-in-law. She was (probably) a bride once, so understands it's your prerogative to change your mind.
Do you have any advice for this confused bride-to-be?
You can also email Greer here and share your wedding woes, feedback or questions.