How to stop the tears

03:18, Nov 05 2012

I've said it before and I'ma say it again: I am the hugest sap, especially when it comes to weddings.

Whether it is a random elopement of two characters in a terrible sitcom, or two dear friends tying the knot, my eyes lose all ability to retain liquid and the faucets of my ducts are set permanently to "on".

So the other day when I asked Twitter for some blog post ideas, a follower asked "if you could teach me not to cry at weddings that would be great thanks!"

It instantly reminded me that I, as a self-confessed bawler, have actually gained a few tips on how to control the tears. Well, at least in theory anyway. 

Look up! Look up!

At my friends' recent wedding, the celebrant noted that I was tearing up at the rehearsal (told you I was useless).


She said "Look up!" Apparently it stops the tears.

When their wedding day rolled around, I had to employ the "look up" procedure a number of times as I stood there in front of more than 100 people, eyes reddening and tears at the ready.

I busted out my technique and looked up into the sky and at the cherry blossom trees, then back down, then back up and then back down. It worked. No actual tears fell.

However, what I am concerned about is that my no-tears routine actually made me look like a zombie bridesmaid, with my eyes rolling back in my head.

I haven't seen any photographic proof (yet) that this indeed happened, but I'm thinking I'm going to have to do a trial before our wedding so that the photos from our ceremony don't make look as though I'm from Poltergeist.

Waterproof mascara

Need I say more? Do women even wear non-waterproof mascara these days? I'm personally not a fan, but no matter what your preference is, the wedding day is at least one day where you should definitely expect waterworks

Trial ceremony

One tip I received which I actually thought was weird at the start but I've started to appreciate more is practising your vows to each other.

A guy I know and his now-wife did this and he said they bawled each time they did it, but what it meant was come the big day, most of the tears were gone and they were able to say the words clearly to each other in front of their guests - which is, remember, what they're all there for in the first place.

What are your tips on how to prevent the tears?