Does sex end after the wedding?

Last updated 09:47 07/12/2012

A colleague sent me the following text message this week wishing me well ahead of our fast-approaching nuptials:

"Good luck with the wedding. My marriage advice: don't stop putting out."

While I'm not putting much weight on his advice (for a start, he's never been married), it did make me think about the wink-wink, nudge-nudge joke of how there's no such thing as sex after marriage.

Now we know that's not true - many babies' births can attest to that. But I do wonder if there is a "change" after you become one-half of a married duo? Marriage

Most people I ask about this have been in live-in relationships for many years and found their "plateau" before the wedding rolls around.

But it does make me wonder if anyone - and I include men and women in this equally - "give up" trying it on in the sense of keeping things a bit hot because they know they're married now and their partner shouldn't really go elsewhere.

Is this an actual thing?

My theory is this: communication.

When a couple first gets together, you hardly (okay, maybe some do but I certainly never have) sit down and say, "So, how regularly are we gonna bump uglies?" You're usually too busy just doin' it to talk about it.

But here's the thing. I actually think it is a really valid and important thing to discuss.

And I'm not talking about sitting down and drawing out a schedule or timetable, but to have the very real discussion of: "How regularly do you think we should have sex in order to maintain a happy and healthy level in our relationship?"

It only needs to be a couple of minutes' talk, and you can quickly work out if you're on the same page in terms of expectations.

I'm pretty sure that failing to have this quite simple discussion actually results in a lot of bruised egos and disharmony in not just marriage but also relationships.

Because let's get one thing straight: there's no way I believe that we should all aspire to be as horny as teenagers for the rest of our living days, nor is there a "magic" number of times a day/week/month/year you should strive for.

In fact according to this piece, there are plenty of sexless and happy marriages. 

"Sex. Or rather the lack of it. It could be the nation's sordid secret. Perhaps even the world's."

Having a healthy sex life - and what is "healthy" varies between couples - is one of the cornerstones in any couple, I believe.

So what say you? Does sex drop off the radar once the ring is on the finger? Or does it do the opposite? Or does marriage change nothing?

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