Wedding woe: Too many BMs

23:52, Jun 18 2013

I'm baaaaaaaack!
Sorry - as some commenters noted on my last post (which was a billionty years ago), I've gone a bit quiet. No real excuse except I've been busy helping set up and settle an Afghan interpreter and his wife into life here in Palmy. It's been great - but I've been so busy that blogging has fallen away. My how things have changed! Must do better! 

If you forgive me, read on:

Hi Greer

I am getting married in a few months and I am just needing an opinion on something.

Recently my best friend and I had a falling out and didn't end up talking for a long time (she was supposed to be a bridesmaid at my upcoming wedding) we have now patched things up and it turns out it was all over something silly.

In the meantime I picked another bridesmaid in the thinking that my best friend would no longer be interested in being my bridesmaid due to the falling out.


As we have now patched things up, I am torn as I really want her to be a part of my big day and can't imagine her not being involved as my bridesmaid, and on the other hand I don't want to hurt my other friend who knowing the situation kindly stepped in to be my other bridesmaid and then tell her she is no longer needed as a bridesmaid.

I haven't mentioned the bridesmaid issue to my best friend as of yet, but its only a matter of time before she starts asking as to whether she is still going to be involved in my big day.
Any thoughts on what you would do?
If this is published please leave my name out if possible


Hmm, I can see your predicament.

Here's how I see your options:

1)      Re-instate bestie, boot off the filler

Pros: Your bestie is there, you retain the number of BMs you wanted from the outset miffed. Filler may be quite understanding to the situation as she knows why she got the call up

Cons: The filler might (rightfully) be a bit pissed. You and bestie may (MAY!) fall out again before the wedding

2)      Boot bestie, retain filler

Pros: No awkward convo with the filler

Cons: Bestie will be pissed, bestie won't be there and you really want her there

3)      Boot the both of them

Pros: Not taking favourites, can pull out the 'I've changed my mind' card

Cons: You won't have either there

4)      Include the both of them

Pros: Both friends are happy which means you are happy

Cons: You have one more bridesmaid than you thought you wanted.

Out of all these, I have to say I like option four. I agree that if you want your bestie there, then she should be. Friendships have their ups and downs so I don't think you should have to cut her out completely. But I think acknowledging the friend that stepped up is also quite important too.

I think people can sometimes really rush the designation of bridal party - hence where these situations arise.

It's easier to hold off giving someone these responsibilities rather than attempting to shuffle roles or remove them completely.

Either way I imagine you'll find a solution that sits well with you.

Anyone got any other suggestions for Ms A?

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