Nip anger in the bud

Cynthia Morton knows all about rage. She grew up in a violent household, turned to drugs as a teen, became suicidal and overdosed in a public toilet.

"I became a very angry female," she says.

"I abused drugs and alcohol looking for vengeance (against) the world, generally, because I was angry."

Speaking at the recent Happiness and Its Causes conference in Sydney as part of a panel discussion on rage, Morton said she became a "warrior".

She gave birth to two sons and, while she never hit her kids, was physically violent to the men in her life.

"Violence and abuse was part of my emotional dialogue," Morton said.

"Desperation" motivated the young single mum to check into a Queensland clinic where she embarked on "years of therapy".

"I still get angry ... and I'm certainly in no danger of becoming a saint, but when I get angry I'm better at asserting my needs," Morton said.

She went on to establish the Emotional Fitness Foundation to help other people deal with rage and related issues.

She says a diverse range of clients visit her Brisbane clinic, from street kids and sex workers to barristers and elite athletes.

But not all anger is bad.

Morton says it is "a necessity of life ... it's an alarm system to let us know that our boundaries have been crossed".

Tom Denson, a psychology lecturer at the University of NSW who researches rage, agrees.

Everyone gets angry, he told the conference.

"Animals get angry, it's just part of our nature ... in our evolutionary past it was generally successful, it helped you secure resources and pass on your genes."

It's when anger boils over into rage, which Denson describes as "behaviour with the intent to harm another person", that problems arise.

Dr Denson, originally from California, says stewing over things is a recipe for problems.

"It makes you lose control," he told the audience.

"If you can do something distracting to calm yourself down, something as easy as cleaning the apartment ... or doing a crossword puzzle, something that takes your mind off things, you feel a lot better."

Dr Denson said twin studies had found controlled anger was a 50-50 combination of nature and nurture and people prone to anger could "re-learn new ways of behaving".

"I don't really see human nature as being inherently good or evil, I think situations can determine to what extent we'll do good and bad things," he said.

Morton said people who haven't experienced trauma make the mistake of labelling fiery people as "drama queens".

"When you have a physical ailment like a migraine or a toothache it is all-consuming ... when you've got emotional trauma and it's not been dealt with you're in a hyper-sensitive state," she said.

Morton has learnt to cope with her rage through daily meditation and "self-love". But she admits there is still one thing that will see her inner "warrior" emerge.

"If you touch my children or threaten my children I'd kill somebody in a heartbeat.

"You could lock me up and I would be happy and peaceful that I protected my children, whether that's wrong, I'm not interested."

How to controlling your rage:

* Don't stew over things, distract yourself if you're feeling mad

* Practise self-control

* Learn how to connect with people in a safe and respectful way

* Find positive male and female role models

* Care for yourself by connecting to things that are meaningful to you like nature, meditation or art

AAP

- AAP