Family fights and cash cause children to fret

KENT BLECHYNDEN/The Dominion Post

HOMEWORK PRESSURE: Luke Ross, 12, says he now understands what stress is as he gets older and schoolwork piles up.

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Small people have big worries, and they understand more than you think.

Fiona Pienaar, a doctoral student at Auckland University, has asked children aged eight to 12 what made them sad, mad or worried. And it was not ghosts, ghouls or grubs that were keeping them up at night.

"Children are very aware of adult stress, and they can give amazing demonstrations of what their parents look like when they're stressed.

"One of the main stressors that came out was fighting in families."

Her research over two years showed that mothers were the main source of comfort for troubled children. Ninety per cent of the 200 children questioned said they would turn to their mothers rather than their fathers for support.

This could be because mothers were more attuned to notice when their children were under pressure, Mrs Pienaar said.

Children were very good at noticing when their parents were worried, she said. "One or two said things like, `I feel really guilty because my parents have to spend money on me and I know money's really tight."'

Luke Ross, 12, from Otari School in Wilton said he was starting to feel stressed as his schoolwork piled up.

He and his classmates tended to use words like "mad" or "annoyed" to describe their mood, but this was changing as he got older. "I think maybe because I'm in year 8 I use the word `stress' more now."

Mrs Pienaar helped Wellington grief support agency Skylight produce a series of booklets aimed at eight to 12-year-olds with advice on how to deal with troubling emotions.

ONCE WERE WORRIERS

The top five worries on kids' minds:

Conflict in families

World events: war in Iraq, tsunamis, swine flu

Adults do not listen to them

Worried about adults' stress

Worried about worrying: what to do when you feel bad

- © Fairfax NZ News