Urban interloper

Under cover of darkness, something is ditching the quiet of the countryside, and heading for the bright lights of urban New Zealand. EMMA GOODWIN shines a spotlight on a rural pest living the city life.

Living in the centre of town, a person expects to hear noises at night – the high-pitched squeal of brakes as a car doesn't take the corner quite as smoothly as expected, the gruff, incoherent rumblings of the victorious rugby team on the way home on a Saturday night, or the click-clack of a pair of stilettos tripping along the pavement, two steps forward, one to the side.

However, nothing quite prepares you for that deep, raspy breath outside the bedroom window at three in the morning.

As you are wakened from your slumber, a prickle of fear runs down your spine. You imagine some sweaty-palmed pervert pressing his nose against the pane, trying desperately to see something titillating.

Then the other noise comes.

Scratching around the window frame turns shivers into full-blown terror – until you hear the accompanying snuffle and snort.

No, Peeping Tom doesn't have a cold – it's a possum. And then the cat arrives to investigate.

A few screams, squalls, and screeches later, the possum lumbers off and Catzilla returns to the family bed to lick its paws and accept congratulations.

Not bleedin' likely. Those things are germ-ridden at best, infected with tuberculosis at worst.

One would expect that the centre of town is not normally the ideal spot to find a possum, so how the heck do you get rid of them?

Rural home owners often use the tried and true method of a shotgun but, for obvious reasons, discharging a firearm in town is not a good idea, unless you want a visit from the armed offenders squad – who may, of course, be able to get rid of the possum for you once they've shown up, but possibly wouldn't be too happy about it.

Thankfully, there is less intimidating, but very effective, help at hand for city folk who find themselves burdened with a country squatter.

Ray Wilman, environmental management officer and possum expert at Horizons Regional Council, manages the organisation's amenities pest programme.

He says inquiries about how to deal with possums in urban areas are not uncommon. "I get called out quite a bit to help people who have a possum problem in town.

"Since July, I would have had about 100 inquiries."

After all, there are tasty pickings to be had from rubbish bags, bins and fruit-laden trees. "There is always something in a garden that attracts a possum. If someone has a well-planted garden, there will be something they want to eat."

Most of the time, Mr Wilman will pop out with a trap and show the home owner what to do with it.

"Then when they've finished with the trap, we'll come back and get it."

He says most people will get rid of the dead possum themselves, but the more squeamish can call on his experience to dispose of the body.

Mr Wilman has a few war stories about his up-close-and-personal experiences with the sharp-clawed pest, and one of his most memorable possum escapades was when one found its way into a pantry.

"I had to go in and do battle with it among the flour and veges. Not easy in a confined space."

Then, of course, there are the possums that have Santa aspirations and a penchant for chimneys.

"There was a possum that came down the house's chimney, walked up the stairs and stood at the bedroom door, where the lady of the house was lying in bed reading a magazine," Mr Wilman says.

"It gave her a hell of a fright when she looked up and saw the possum sitting up on its back legs, looking at her.

"Her husband came racing up the stairs when she screamed, thinking she was being murdered, and passed the possum scooting back down the stairs in the opposite direction.

"He chased it around the living room a couple of times before it disappeared back up the chimney."

That was when the couple called on Mr Wilman.

If possums can give humans a run for their money, it would be fair to assume that urban pets have a few problems of their own with the marsupial.

After all, possums are feral and may have the upper claw in a showdown.

Cahill Animal Clinic owner Genevieve Rogerson says the clinic sees a few casualties of possum versus pet.

"We get a few cats and dogs come in that have been in scuffles with possums, but they are not that common.

The injuries are normally restricted to scratches and bites, but they can be deeper than what you would normally see from a cat or dog fight.

"Possums can fight back quite seriously when they get bailed up."

It is estimated that there are more than 30 million possums in New Zealand, or seven to every person, so it isn't really surprising that many of them are finding their way into urban communities.

With that head count, it would appear that it really is necessary for the average urban householder to brush up on his or her possum-dispatching skills. But you can always call on Mr Wilman and his trusty traps and knowhow to save the day.

Talking possum

Some facts about possums that many urban people may not be aware of.

The first possums were brought to New Zealand in 1837 from Australia to start a fur industry.

There are about 30 million possums Trichosurus vulpecula in New Zealand.

Possums throughout the country can devour about 21,000 tonnes of leaves, berries, and fruit, a night from native trees such as pohutukawa, rata, totara, kowhai, and kohekohe.

Possums in Australia have natural issues such as trees with spines, prickles, or poisonous leaves, and dealing with parasites and predators, but in New Zealand, they can wreak havoc easily.

Adult possums are typically between 65cm and 95cm long, and can weigh between 1.4kg and 6.4kg.

Possums become sexually mature at between one and two years old, and breed throughout the year. The young are born about three weeks after mating occurs, and crawl up to the marsupial pouch, where they remain for at least four months before emerging to cling to the mother's back.

Adult possums have a relatively long life expectancy compared with similar-sized animals.

If you have an issue with a possum, phone Horizons Regional Council, 0508 800 800.

When an intruder calls

There is apparently a protocol to follow if you find a possum in your house, which doesn't involve screaming or throwing things around the room in an attempt to scare the heck out of it.

If you find a possum in your front room do not chase it.

Turn off the lights and open doors and windows to allow the possum to exit in its own time. Hopefully it won't text its mates to pop around for a group forage through your vege bin.

If the possum hasn't departed by morning, it will probably be hiding somewhere dark, such as under the sofa alongside any leftover party drunks.

When picking up a live possum (huh?), grab firmly by the tail and hold it at arm's length from your body and swing gently backwards and forwards (the possum, silly).

Take outside.

Return inside and pour yourself a large gin. Oh, and put some clothes on.

- © Fairfax NZ News