Review: NZ's Got Talent
REVIEW: New Zealand's Got Talent hit TV One prime time last night but two of the judges barely matched the talent.
There was undoubted potential among the customary drongos on stage but judges Jason Kerrison and Ali Campbell were either shy first up or hadn't swallowed their personality pills because they didn't say much.
The show cries out for a nasty Piers Morgan to send the untalented off home blubbing with "leave the stage".
Maybe Paul Henry was that man; he could have suggested they were too fat or didn't look like New Zealanders.
So we had only supermodel Rachel Hunter with celeb cred.
Fortunately, some of the singers saved episode 1.
There was even a Palmerstonian, 17-year-old Mana Tamariki student Tawaroa Kawana who sang a Rod Stewart remix with velvet tones.
It brought tears to Rachel's eyes even though she had booted old Rod out of bed, but obviously still entertained naughty thoughts for him.
A sword swallower was followed by a 91 year old going on 71.
Olivia Turner got the audience quaking because she'd lost her house in the Christchurch quakes, but she hadn't lost her vocal chords.
She sang I Want to Dance All Night from My Fair Lady and quite rightly, it was yes, yes, yes for Olivia.
Her occupation was "retired", no kidding.
Just ahead of her had been a 9-year-old yodeller from inland Ashburton named, wait for it, Ocean.
But surely the best was a kid from Porirua, Jessie Hillel, who has been talent questing since she was five and had more personality than the two male judges.
She might have been dressed like a sack of spuds but she was a lovely 10-year-old soprano and she warbled Pie Jesu so well it made my right eye water.
I liked fruiterer Bill Rimmer with his one-man Dad's Army band and foot-controlled cymbals which bonked him on the head, but he was ejected.
We didn't see enough of a Bollywood dance troupe but saw too much of Russell Gray who danced as if he had a carrot stuck in his intestines.
And a J Geeks dance group survived after invading the judges' box and pelvic thrusting at Rachel - common as muck!
Everyone fell for Dane Moeke, a 22 year old humpty from Waikato who called himself "a big guy".
He can sing Whitney Houston but he dressed as if out to feed the chooks, barefooted even.
Only 12 episodes to go.
- © Fairfax NZ News
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