NZ's Got Talent goes barking mad

It took seven weeks, but finally one of the New Zealand’s Got Talent judges had the gumption to hit his buzzer because he felt an act was barking mad.

And, no, it wasn’t dippy model Rachel Hunter, who told three of last night’s acts, ‘‘I love you’’.

It was Ali Campbell of UB40 who zapped Chelsea Marriner and her dogs, who cavorted to an amateurish slab of poetry.

Dog agility teams belong in a circus at best. One of the woofters even pretended to widdle. Lift your leg at Crufts and you’d soon be shown the tradesmen’s exit.

Anyway, Rachel has her job description muddled up. She tries to sugar-coat everything, even hoping New Zealand would back the bloody dogs so they could widdle over the hubcaps of a brand new Corolla.

Only five acts could be fitted into the hour last night as TVNZ ran amok with commercials.

The hot-shot was Rosie Roulette, of Christchurch, with her great medley of musical theatre songs. She has got talent – and personality to burn.

Benny Hill would call Rachel Hunter an ‘‘iriot’’ for suggesting Rosie might have tried something different. She had done just that, but when Rosie left the stage she burst into tears in her mother’s arms.

That was downright wimpish and if she can’t cope with that, then maybe the stage is not her stage.

But will the texting masses expend 90 cents on her?

Two singers chose the wrong song and the saddest was Palmerston North’s Sonny Bill-lookalike Tawaroa Kawana.

A kapa haka guitarist, he’d had a makeover to shiny suit with grand piano and the obscure song So High was So wrong for him, So tough to hit the falsetto notes.

But the kid has the looks and the voice and might get through because, hopefully, the other two will be culled, along with the sheepdogs, of course.

There was much pandering to great-gran Olivia Turner because she was commendably ancient at 91.

But My Way was not her way; it was the way of blokes like Frank Sinatra and Andy Williams and dear Olivia missed so many high notes she ended up screeching.

All three judges rose and applauded as if she were Susan Boyle. Nyet!

A ballet guy called Chris Olwage, dressed as Hiawatha, pleaded about being bullied as a kid and having ballooned to 129 kilograms, which had nothing to do with the price of fish.

Maybe he could squeeze into Les Girls, because only the music and spectral lights got him through, and hopefully out.

Manawatu Standard