Anna Guy looks back and forward
The moment Ewen Macdonald was acquitted of murder is one his ex-wife Anna Guy will never forget.
It's a year today since Macdonald was found not guilty of killing his brother-in-law, Feilding farmer Scott Guy, 31.
Mr Guy was shot dead outside his rural Aorangi Rd property about 4.45am on July 8, 2010. No-one else has been charged, but police say the case remains open.
His sister Ms Guy now lives in Auckland, a world away from her former rural Feilding home, while Macdonald is in prison in Christchurch waiting out a five-year sentence for arson, criminal damage and theft. They rarely talk, but he does have regular phone conversations with their children, she says.
She remembers, after weeks of stressful and exhausting days of trial, the shock of hearing the verdict.
"I'll never forget that moment. I think I would have been shocked either way. I still was shocked at hearing the answer, but I thought there was an enormous pressure off my shoulders. We had been holding ourselves together . . . It took a while to work it out even though they gave an answer."
After the trial, she was relieved it was all over, but she has considered that one day they may have to do it again if there is another trial.
"I remember thinking once it finished, I had to let it go."
Ms Guy said Auckland felt like home now, and she had only been back once, for her sister Nikki Guy's wedding.
She missed the people more than the place, and her children had settled into their new home well.
She remained in touch with Scott's wife Kylee Guy, who has since moved to Hawke's Bay, and said it might be about time for a visit.
Ms Guy is currently writing a column for the website Essential Mums, and is appearing in a trio of stories for TV3 show 3rd Degree.
She'd had an opportunity to help young people, but she couldn't say anything more about it because of her television commitments.
"I think it's getting clearer what I like doing. I can't say what I really want to do and it'll take a while to figure that out."
While moving made coping easier, she still had her dark days, she said.
"A lot of people might read ‘she's happy and found a new man', but there's still hard days and crap days and flat days. I do miss him [Scott] terribly."
Recently she had a dream about him showing her how to do a complicated handshake, she said. "It was really random, he pops up. A couple of weeks ago I was really flat and you try to make yourself feel better. It's definitely not as much as it used to be, I still have those moments."
Next Monday it will be three years since Scott was found shot dead at the end of his driveway near Feilding. She plans to spend that day with a close friend, "doing something nice" and catching up.
Her family would probably gather and do the same, she said.