Excruciatingly painful waste of time
M, 1hr 41min
Reviewed by Greer McDonald.
If the makers of CSI and Scooby Doo took a shot at the suspense movie genre, I suspect they might well end up with the creation that is Alex Cross.
Advertised in the same breath as Along Came a Spider and Kiss the Girls - without the all-important Morgan Freeman - Alex Cross is the latest James Patterson book adaptation focusing on detective and psychologist Alex Cross.
Cross and his bumbling side-kick (let's just call him Shaggy) are called in to work on a case, which Cross instantly assesses correctly as, shock-horror, they're dealing with a psycho murderer.
That role is played by an extremely cut Matthew Fox (who will forever be that guy from TV series Party of Five).
I actually feel sorry for Fox, who went to the effort of getting his ageing body in to shape for a role that was let down by poor plot writing and terrible character development.
To add insult to injury, throw in a camera technique one could liken to something seen on a painful distant uncle's family holiday vacation slideshow (think the action happening off-camera while you're shown an elongated, jerky shot of the ground).
Without giving the plot away (there isn't really one), the whole thing laughably ends with a scene reminiscent of that American cartoon phrase: "I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids".
The only thing really missing was a CSI-esque Horatio removal of the glasses with the accompanying "yeow" soundtrack and eye-rolling one-liner.
Once home, my better half declared: "We just wasted two hours of our life. I could have been playing Assassin's Creed".
Meanwhile, I could have been slamming my fingers in car doors, a thoroughly more entertaining experience, I'm sure.