Excruciatingly painful waste of time

23:00, Nov 07 2012
ALEXCROSS
CUT: Cut: Matthew Fox got himself in remarkable shape for Alex Cross, but was it worth it.

Alex Cross
M, 1hr 41min
Reviewed by Greer McDonald.

If the makers of CSI and Scooby Doo took a shot at the suspense movie genre, I suspect they might well end up with the creation that is Alex Cross.

Advertised in the same breath as Along Came a Spider and Kiss the Girls - without the all-important Morgan Freeman - Alex Cross is the latest James Patterson book adaptation focusing on detective and psychologist Alex Cross.

Cross and his bumbling side-kick (let's just call him Shaggy) are called in to work on a case, which Cross instantly assesses correctly as, shock-horror, they're dealing with a psycho murderer.

That role is played by an extremely cut Matthew Fox (who will forever be that guy from TV series Party of Five).

I actually feel sorry for Fox, who went to the effort of getting his ageing body in to shape for a role that was let down by poor plot writing and terrible character development.

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To add insult to injury, throw in a camera technique one could liken to something seen on a painful distant uncle's family holiday vacation slideshow (think the action happening off-camera while you're shown an elongated, jerky shot of the ground).

Without giving the plot away (there isn't really one), the whole thing laughably ends with a scene reminiscent of that American cartoon phrase: "I would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids".

The only thing really missing was a CSI-esque Horatio removal of the glasses with the accompanying "yeow" soundtrack and eye-rolling one-liner.

Once home, my better half declared: "We just wasted two hours of our life. I could have been playing Assassin's Creed".

Meanwhile, I could have been slamming my fingers in car doors, a thoroughly more entertaining experience, I'm sure.

Manawatu Standard