Mean girls

Imagine your daughter crying in the kitchen. You tell her she needs to go to school but inside you ache. You can't guarantee she will be safe there and you can't tell her tomorrow will be any better. Girls are becoming more violent and technology has allowed bullying to flourish. LUCY JOHNSTON reports.  

Schoolgirl bullying and violence is undoubtedly getting worse.

While there has always been name calling and playground taunts, some young people are now frightened to go to school.

What is happening in our schools? A judge called three pupils from a local college thugs when they appeared before him on June 12. They were alleged to have beaten a fellow student so badly she required hospital treatment.

At another Marlborough school a pupil is facing charges of assault. An 11-year old allegedly received a blow to her head while surrounded by fellow-students who were shielding her from a teacher's eyes, and a 14 year old is frightened to go to school after being strangled by a fellow year 10 pupil.

It is not just in Marlborough. There has been an overall increase in youth violence and throughout the country, girls account for 25 percent of physical violence.

I finished high school in 2000 having never witnessed a physical fight. Who are these girls and what kind of homes are they coming from?

I had ballerina barbie. Today children have Bratz dolls. Dolls with attitude and sexualised clothing. These images and many internet games are centred around being defiant. They are what social anthropologist Donna Swift calls "kick-ass girls" internet savvy with their own mobile phones. There is a game called Girlfighting little girls commonly play online.

Dr Swift, who developed Turning Point, a girls' violence intervention programme, may have some answers.

She says the world has changed drastically in the last couple of years and she has seen the tools girls can use to bully become more sophisticated.

She says it used to be writing on the toilet wall, now it's text messages and social networking internet sites.

It is important to understand girls and boys differ in the way they use bullying and violence.

Girls tend to bully through relationships. This includes isolation, rumours and gossip.

So are girls starting bullying younger, and are their methods more sophisticated?

"Look overseas and you will see a trend in the younger group," Dr Swift says.

"What was a problem seen amongst boys is now seen with girls.

"As humans, we copy older siblings and role models."

Dr Swift also says the cycle of violence is very prominent in what we see today.

"Anybody who uses violence usually has violence in their background.

"They've learned might is right or that's the only way to address injustices. They (the bullies) can come from any ethnicity or social class."

Girls come to their violent behaviour through different pathways. Violent girls have often been exposed to violence or have experienced trauma, frustration and injustice in life.

Dr Swift is clear this can be any level of violence in the home, or perhaps unfair treatment in the playground.

Who is going to stand up and take responsibility?

"I don't want people to start pointing fingers at parents," Dr Swift says.

What about our schools? Teachers who are already pushed to the limit?

Dr Swift says schools are really trying to come to grips with girl violence.

"I have been doing a lot of talks around violence in schools.

"They want more awareness and resources and funding. I'm getting a lot more attention at higher levels."

She says dealing with girls' aggression needs to be very gender specific and the same tools cannot be applied to both boys and girls. There needs to be an increased awareness, more funding, access to social workers, prevention and intervention action and teachers being kept up with the latest research and advice.

Some of the counselling services in schools are minimal and there should be more time and energy spent on interpersonal relationships in the health syllabus, Dr Swift says.

Marlborough Girls' College principal Karen Stewart has a mammoth job. The college is the only girls school in Marlborough.

Ms Stewart says a huge amount of work goes on at school to ensure the best possible educational outcome for every girl.

Marlborough Girls' College has a roll of 1046 students. With such a large roll the majority of girls probably move through the school relatively unaffected by relatively rare, high profile incidents of violence.

But the incidents do happen, and Ms Stewart says this is reflective of what is happening in the wider Marlborough community.

Marlborough has become increasingly diverse, with an itinerant element to its population. College board of trustees chairman Bernie Rowe says many girls used to come to college from primary school together. This is now often not the case.

Deputy principal Jo Chamberlain is passionate about girls' education. She says she takes her hat off to many students for just making it through the school gate each morning.

The school has plenty of effective strategies to combat violence, but where does the buck stop?

You only have to sit down and watch children's television for an hour to see parents need to monitor what they allow their children to be exposed to. Television often equates power with violence. Often there is no negotiation, compromise or conflict resolution. Just high kicks and guns.

Dr Swift says it is crucial to report any violence and to create an environment where the child feels comfortable in reporting it. Children are often scared parents will take away their phone or computer, and Dr Swift says this is not the answer. Rather, children need to be educated not to tolerate violent behaviour. Interestingly, Dr Swift says children need to be taught that if they are bullied or subjected to inappropriate behaviour they should not respond. Responding engages the other person.

Girls need to be taught to be assertive but not aggressive.

Assertiveness protects and values both parties. Aggressive behaviour shows no concern for the other person. A young person who can ask a bully to stop may curb the behaviour. Those who show fear will be further picked on.

Dr Swift says girls tend to gang up on a single girl, working in packs to intimidate the victim.

Girls grow up valuing their friends. They value themselves on how their girlfriends see them.

Girls are so linked into needing peer support that when somebody bullies a girl it can destroy her self-esteem. The victim takes on the feeling of inferiority.

Dr Swift says adults, especially mothers, need to consciously role-model assertive behaviour to their daughters. Children live what they learn and if a mother gossips and back-stabs it is more likely her daughter will follow.

Parents need to watch their own baggage. Daughters follow their mother's choice of partners, too.

Robin Duff, the current PPTA president, has been a teacher for 32 years. He says we are more conscious of violence in our community. He is unsure whether there is an increase in violent incidents or whether it's just that they are now being reported.

Mr Duff says schools are part of the wider community and very often the frustrations that build up can explode in a school situation.

He thinks teachers are definitely under too much pressure in a whole range of areas and violence is linked with a whole range of activities, such as truancy. This increases stress for teachers and other students and affects the feeling of a school.

He says we need to be careful not to assume all schools are violent places and stresses staff have the right to feel safe at work too.

 

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