Pledge of Purity

Virginity is not on every young person's agenda, but DEE WILSON talked to a relaxed group of young Christians who are happily bucking the trend of sex before marriage  

Sex before marriage, alcohol and even rock 'n roll are not lifestyle choices for a group of staunch young members of the Marlborough Bible Baptist Church in Blenheim.

Young single people in the church choose to remain pure until marriage, and two young women, Fern Pannell, 23, and Carly-Rose Garner, 22, wear purity or chastity rings.

The move echoes that of tens of thousands of young American Christians who have pledged to remain virgins until marriage.

In the United States the rings the young people wear are embossed with words like "true love waits" or "one life one love" and are worn by both sexes.

All unmarried young people at the Marlborough Bible Baptist Church strive for purity before marriage, but only Fern and Carly-Rose wear rings.

"It's a symbol, but nothing really major," says Fern.

Their rings are engraved with a favourite Biblical reference and the girl's initials, with a space left for the initials of the man they marry.

Carly-Rose received her ring when she was 16 from her mum, who is a Christian.

"God wants us to remain sexually pure until we marry and I have never had a boyfriend. But I pray for God's will on this and would love to marry.

"A lot of people are incredulous and think we are losing out on fun. But it is 100 percent for the best in the long term," says Carly-Rose.

She is not ashamed of remaining a virgin, nor is she unduly proud of it.

"It's not that we think we are wonderful people, we don't do it for ourselves but to honour God. It's a matter of free will and choice."

And it has an advantage: "It helps to ward off unwanted guys."

Carly-Rose works part time at McDonald's, mixing with people from the Philippines, Fiji, India and Malaysia, who are surprised by the morals of young New Zealanders.

"They find the New Zealand culture of one-night stands incredible ... that people dispose of themselves in such a way. They say I am doing the right thing," she says.

Fern says people's curiosity about her silver ring gives her a chance to discuss the Bible and her relationship with God, which gives her joy and security.

Some people scoff at chastity, but she takes these comments in her stride.

Fern recently spent two years in Peru working with American and Peruvian missionary pastors as part of a Christian Bible mission, Operation Lima.

A 15-year-old church member, who doesn't want to be named, has also come across negative comments, including from her parents, on her stand to retain her virginity until marriage.

"My parents think I'm weird, strange. They think I am separating myself from people my own age. But it's a choice I have made."

She says most girls her age at Marlborough Girls' College had boyfriends and wondered why she was not getting one.

Melissa Goldthorpe, 18, who has studied in Hamilton with women aged 18 to 21, was pressured by classmates to change her stance.

"They give lots of hassle about it and just don't get it, but it is my decision. I told them I don't want it at the moment or need it."

The Marlborough Bible Baptist Church pulls up to 50 people with its Sunday services and has a relatively young congregation, a number of them not married.

Assistant Pastor Ben Morgan, who has been with the church for eight years, is a 23-year-old virgin and he has a girlfriend, obviously of like mind. "It's not part of the constitution of the church or forced down your throat. It is the teaching of the Bible and it is up to the individual to choose it or not.

"Abstinence is not something we preach on a lot and we don't keep track of who does and who doesn't as it's between them and God really," he says.

One way of overcoming temptation is to avoid tempting circumstances, members of the group believe.

Ben says when he was at college he chose the crowd he hung out with those more interested in cars and computers than girls.

"If you hang out with boy racers you become a boy racer. We don't take being chaste before marriage lightly, but we are not obsessed with it. There is more to life than thinking about the opposite sex.

"We see our friends getting married with no regrets and no complications when they start their families. There's no baggage being dragged into a marriage so it should work better. We have seen people who have not taken the same stand end up in messy situations. That's where we don't want to go," Ben says.

Teenage pregnancy was becoming increasingly acceptable in schools with some even adding teenage pregnancy units, members of the group say. They are saddened New Zealand has the third highest rate of teenage pregnancies in the OECD.

They support one another in their quest for a less complicated life based on Biblical principles, and it appears to work.

Some American critics of abstinence before marriage applaud the principle but say problems arise when young Americans grow up and are often ignorant of how to manage contraception and sexual health when they do decide to have sex.

But Ben says information could come from a doctor instead of through school and it was probably better learning it that way than through trial and error.

Carly-Rose says when she marries there will be no skeletons in the closet. "We save ourselves for that one person. It's really romantic. We can have fun and without a hangover, what's more."

 

- The Marlborough Express