The secret diaries of...the royal tour

17:00, Apr 12 2014
Prince William
PRINCE WILLIAM: What about this weather we're having? Rain is certainly useful and sunshine also has its advantages.




I wore a Catherine Walker scarlet coat, a matching Gina Foster hat, and a silver fern brooch to reflect the New Zealand theme.


It's good to be back! Thank you for having me.


We drove through the vineyards in Marlborough and I was getting quite thirsty! We flew to Blenheim. It was just all cloud. I was trying to show Catherine where it was.

I just can't believe our luck with the weather! I very much enjoyed my visit to the Omaka Aviation Heritage Centre. The whole museum is incredible! It's so important to keep the linkage of the generations.

I hope George doesn't keep you up! He can be very vocal at 3am. I swear I heard him doing the haka this morning! He's a bonny lad. You'll be pleased to know that he's currently preparing for life as a prop forward! New Zealand repeatedly demonstrates its progressiveness.

It also has a beautiful landscape. And some very nice wine as well!


Well, I'm on my way to caucus to inform my colleagues that I intend to retire at the upcoming General Election.

I didn't intend to announce the news on my Twitter account but I just don't seem to be able to get hold of JK.


Winter is coming but the Prime Minister insists on going out and about with the royals in public when he should be inside on a day like this. I would hate to see him catch his death of cold but on the other hand I can't think of another way he could possibly lose the next election.

For myself, I very much look forward to meeting the royals, but I shan't make a fuss of it.

OMG here they come!!!!!!!!!!!


The royal visit reminds me of the time I looked across a crowded room at Princess Diana. Our eyes met. Don, I thought to myself, she wants to have sex with you. I'm not saying we did but I'm not saying we didn't. Let history be the judge.




I wore a ponytail, a hairstyle in which the hair is pulled away from the face, gathered and secured at the back of the head, and allowed to hang freely from that point.


Distinguished people of New Zealand, it's an honour to visit your beautiful country. It has trees in it. My father likes trees. He often speaks fondly not just of trees but also to trees. Sometimes they talk back! He has received a great deal of sage advice which will stand the monarchy in good stead for many years to come.

We flew to the capital, Auckland. George sat next to me on the plane and John Key sat in my lap. He's a handful! He is learning to speak English at a rate of knots, but I'm afraid much of what he says is complete gibberish. But what he lacks in sense he makes up for with displays of affection and offers of a barbecue at his house.

I very much enjoyed my day on the harbour. It has water in it. Water is essential for cleanliness and also for a nice hot cup of tea. Many people fuss around with milk and sugar but I always say the essential ingredient is water, preferably boiled to a temperature of 99.97 centigrade. It goes well with a biscuit! Hint, hint! What about this weather we're having? Rain is certainly useful and sunshine also has its advantages. You have both in this beautiful country as well as many distinguished people who have shown myself, my wife, and our son much kindness.


Prince William - dressed in a blue shirt, dark blue jeans, a brown and white patterned belt and brown loafers - chatted easily with parents.



Steve Braunias is a Metro staff writer.

Sunday Star Times