A Memory Tree

After a lovely break we're back to blogging! There's something about this time of year that makes you reflect on life, what's important, plans for the year ahead etc... We've got three weddings to attend this summer which will be fabulous social and meaningful events. Sadly I also attended a funeral recently - which again made me think about living life, treating those you love with respect and making memories while you can.

Death is a tough topic to discuss and making tributes to people who have passed away seems to be a healthy way to honour them and to grieve. I've found a new website called A Memory Tree that was recently launched for this purpose.  According to the website it's "New Zealand's largest and most comprehensive website committed to helping record, share and remember special events and people by providing a safe and dignified space."

It was strange but soothing to type in my cousin's name and find a remembrance page there for him.  (A remembrance page is created for every person whose deaths have been notified in leading newspapers, or supplied by Funeral Homes, and there are over 60,000 names on the site). Anyone can leave a message (monitored by the site of course).  His funeral has come and gone but there are always those moments when you just don't know what to say so it's another opportunity to say things to that person or their family.

I just typed in my grandmother's name and there was a page for  her too! I know that she would have loved the symbolism of it - the collective creating of a "tree" of memories. She was an outstanding woman, just bursting with enthusiasm and passion for life. Our four-month-old son Jonah was named in her honour (Joan) and her remembrance page will be something special for him to look at in the years ahead. I flew to Queenstown to visit her in her last few days with a six-month-old Ruby two years ago. I was so glad that I made the trip but there is so much more that I would have loved to ask and tell her -now in a way I feel that I can.

There is something therapeutic about being able to learn/read about others' cherished memories and thoughts on someone. It's like you're still able to get to know them after they are gone...

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Charlotte - Happyzine   #1   05:39 pm Feb 06 2009

I love a good frank discussion with my Grandmother about death. It's not very openly talked about within our culture, which is weird considering it's one of the only things we can be sure will happen. I've been preparing (mentally) for her to die for the last twenty years, including finding out exactly what her ideal funeral will entail and securing an agreement with her that she will let me know when she feels 'ready' to die. Perhaps it's the grief that generally follows when our loved one's die that keeps us more quiet about death? We don't seem to have an outlet for all the emotions that flow around death - this is speaking as an English/Scottish NZ born wahine. The Maori Tangi makes sense to me, in the way that people openly share their feelings together. Crying, wailing and even keening for loved ones is normal,there's the support to just be real, it can take days and days, and you're all together as a family. When my father died unexpectantly, we went with Living Legacies (www.livinglegacies.co.nz) they're a natural funeral company with a sustainable, celebratory approach to life, death and funerals. Though some of his old mates found it hard to see us doing things in an unorthidox manner - we just wanted to do things our way. And that felt really, really good.

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