Woman fights to unveil rapist son

17:00, May 04 2013

A woman who was tracked down and raped by a son she had adopted out as a child is fighting to have his name made public - even if it means her identity will be revealed.

The man, now 30, tracked down the woman on Mother's Day last year and entered into an abusive sexual relationship with her which ended with him being convicted last year of incest and rape.

His name was suppressed because naming him could have revealed his victim's identity. But his mother wants him named and shamed and has gone to court fighting to have the suppressions lifted.

She took her case to Waitakere District Court and won but the son has appealed the decision to the High Court, meaning his name stays secret for now.

In an exclusive interview with the Sunday Star-Times the woman said she lost touch with her son when he was 8 and he contacted her last year "out of the blue". He had left his job in Auckland and "landed on her doorstep" to live.

"Within two weeks he was controlling to my other children, he would tell them that he was the older brother and that my other children had to listen to him.


"He would say to me that I owe him 20 years of motherly attention, and that I owed him 20 years' worth of birthday presents and Christmas presents." It "planted the seed of guilt in me", she said.

The woman said her son hit her within three weeks of moving in. When she kicked him out he left her a note saying he would kill himself and it would be her fault for leaving his son without a father. She let him move back in but he started drinking daily.

"The first sexual assault occurred within a week of him coming back. This shocked me, and I kicked him out."

The son again threatened to kill himself if his mother told anyone. "And I learnt that he had videoed the sexual assault and threatened to show the video to my family and put it on social media."

The woman said from there "the isolation began".

"He would follow me to work, he would check my phone, he would say that if I went to see my other children he would kill them.

"He had told me stories that he had a violent past, which made me believe without doubt that he would harm my other children if I did not do as he said . . . the comments made me believe he was mentally unstable, dangerous and punishing me for adopting him out."

She suffered black eyes, bite marks, broken teeth, bruising, strangulation marks and sexual assaults with weapons. "I was in survival mode. I felt that I was doing what I had to do to survive and keep my other children safe."

The relationship ended only when she went to work one day and "my face was so black and blue from the hiding I had received from [. . .] that a colleague rang the police and the police came and got me from my workplace". The son was arrested that day and charged with assaults, rape and incest.

Rather than multiple rapes, he was convicted of nine counts of incest after the jury found the sexual relationship they embarked on was consensual to begin with. The woman rejected this, saying she was forced to do his bidding by his "extreme" domestic violence.

The woman said she and her family "live with the fear of what will happen when he is released from prison". She wanted him to be publicly named so he would not be able to continue to offend against her and her children.

"The fear he put in me was so overwhelming I literally believed that he would hurt my children and would even go so far as to say that he would have killed one or all of them if I was to leave or report his violence to anybody. I was no longer my own person, I was his puppet."

The woman said, despite the extreme violence, "I have chosen to be a survivor of his crimes, not to continue being a victim".


In a bizarre twist, the man who raped his own mother also met his natural father through his offending – on going to jail he shared a cell with his dad, a convicted murderer.

At a hearing in the Waitakere District Court, it emerged that the son had met his birth father while he was in prison. A prison sentence planner made the connection, and put the two together.

They shared a cell for a few weeks so they could "get to know each other".

The mother told the Star-Times she fell pregnant to the man – a gang member – when she was just 14 years old.

Sunday Star Times