What's the real deal on the theories?

The cybersphere has been full of conspiracy theories since Internet Mana announced a "strategic alliance" last month. But do the theories stack up?

1. There is fear, desperation and total panic in the eyes of the Right because finally a political party on the Left has financial clout.

Internet party founder Kim Dotcom stumped up a $3m war chest to fight the election campaign. Pow! The US, Barack Obama, Hollywood and John Key didn't see that coming.

Sure, $3m is a lot of campaign coin. But National spent $2.3 million in 2011, and looking at donations registered this year Key won't be rummaging down the back of the sofa.

The last round of polling put National above 50 per cent. Both Mana and the Internet Party are on about half a per cent each. Polling day is three months away. So, no, that's not fear in campaign supremo Steven Joyce's eyes. They're just red from all the time he spends trolling on Twitter.

2. The Green Party is in cahoots with Dotcom! The deal was sewn up when Russel Norman visited the Dotcom mansion!

Internet Party leader Laila Harre worked as an advisor to the Greens! She was on their campaign committee recently! Norman went to see Dotcom! The mansion has really green lawns! Because: Colin Craig!

All true. Except for the fact that Norman made a pilgrimage to Coatesville to talk Dotcom out of politics because it was likely to split the Left vote.

3. The ABCs are agitating because they'd rather lose than see David Cunliffe elected Prime Minister.

Anyone But Cunliffe is a selection of Labour MPs who publicly said Te Tai Tokerau candidate Kelvin Davis should not stand aside for Mana's Hone Harawira. Some of them didn't want Cunliffe to assume the leadership last year.

Bear with me, this one has a few dots to join. If Davis wins TTT over Harawira, the Left bloc could lose the election. Defeated Cunliffe is forced to resign and the ABCs take back their party. Subsequently, an unstable National-NZ First coalition unravels and the ABCs lead Labour to victory in 2017. Naturally, this is why Shane Jones resigned in the first place, to usher in Davis as his replacement. Variations of this theory also see the return of ex-MP John Tamihere. Sheesh. In case you hadn't noticed, Labour hate being in Opposition. They are really bad at it. That's why they fight all the time.

4. Independent MP Brendan Horan is a puppet of blogger David Farrar, who hates Winston Peters because the NZ First leader would have him fired as National's pollster. Also, because he's a Virgo.

Peters and Horan have traded blows for a few weeks. This is because Peters fired Horan, and Horan is dishing the dirt before he has to leave Parliament. Farrar writes a reasonably popular political blog - he doesn't need Horan as a mouthpiece. And while he might be a Virgo, he's also a Nat. And if Winston backs the Nats in Government, he'll swallow it. After all, an NZ First-Nats coalition is more likely to hire him than Labour. OK, this has nothing to do with Internet-Mana. Or maybe it does . . .

See also: Is Paddy Gower in the Bilderberg Group? And: Did John Key cause the GFC?

5. The whole thing is a strategy cooked up by Labour chief of staff Matt McCarten to raise the Alliance movement from the grave.

Actually, this is the most plausible. Arch- plotter McCarten, Harre and some other IP players are comrades of old. Then there are those rumours about ex-MP Willie Jackson running in Tamaki Makarau . . . has anyone seen my tinfoil hat?

Sunday Star Times