Friday Funny: Spies like us

DID I SAY THAT? John Key answers questions about the GCSB saga.
DID I SAY THAT? John Key answers questions about the GCSB saga.

Fletcher, Ian Fletcher... doesn't quite have the same ring to it as Bond, James Bond.

It has been an ugly couple of weeks for Prime Minister John Key and our top spies, with first the ruckus over Key's role in Fletcher's appointment as the GCSB boss and then the revelations that more than 80 Kiwis were possibly illegally spied on.

So, for this week's Friday Funny we've come up with a top 10 list of people/groups the PM might like to consider calling on for help in the event of another crisis. We've also put together a video briefing on the candidates for him to peruse, above.

Watch the video and vote on your favourite in the poll:

Austin Powers

Think of those teeth. Now, does he make you horny baby? No? Interesting. This super-corny spy, frozen in the 70s, to be brought back to life in modern day does well with the ladies but is he too high profile for our, normally, low profile spooks? Perhaps not.

James Bond

007 is the ultimate debonair assassin. When he utters those three words it gets both the lads and lasses going (for different reasons). "Bond, James Bond..." Did you feel a shiver? Unfortunately, his wine and dine ways don't really fit in with the Government's austerity push.

Maxwell Smart

A meld of James Bond and Inspector Clouseau, agent Maxwell Smart (86) and his female partner (99),  work for spy agency CONTROL, tasked with keeping KAOS agents from carrying out their evil plans. Maxwell Smart, and his shoe phone, could be just the bloke New Zealand needs.

Johnny English

Johnny English, played by Rowan Atkinson, is the hapless, inept mirror image of Bond. Thrown into a major case his ineptitude takes cost cutting a little too far, leading to the deaths of every other spy in Britain.

Danger Mouse

Danger Mouse and his hamster assistant Penfold spent much of the early to mid 1980s cracking barmy jokes as they battled against the megalomaniac frog Baron Silas Greenback (the 80s version of Kim Dotcom?). The Government needs some laughs.

Mission Impossible team

Featuring one of the all time great theme tracks for a TV show/movie franchise, you can just imagine members of the Cabinet running in slow mo to this.


Arnold Schwarzenegger could bring the necessary star power and political nous needed to help the Government. And, if being diplomatic failed, he could just bop people.

Richard Hannay

The Alfred Hitchcock film, first a novel, The 39 Steps follows the story of Richard Hannay, who helps an agent prevent an organisation of spies from stealing secret information (from the public?). It's been described as quintessentially Hitchcock - and the formula of a road tripping, bickering pair (sound's like Key and the press gallery), handcuffed at one stage, has become a common theme.

Man from U.N.C.L.E

This 1960s series centres on a two-man team from the United Network Command for Law Enforcement. Their arch-nemesis is an organisation called T.H.R.U.S.H. Yes, an unfortunate abbreviation. It stood for Technological Hierarchy for the Removal of Undesirables and the Subjugation of Humanity, phew! So, kind of the front runner for dealing with boat people.

Leonardo DiCaprio

Ridley Scott's Body of Lies (ouch) featuring Leonardo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe follows a CIA agent in Jordan (DiCaprio), who hunts a terrorist leader but finds himself caught between the vague intentions of the US and Jordan Intelligence (read here: New Zealand and the US over Dotcom). There is no end to the drama and intrigue in this film... just like real life.