Andrew Gunn: Keeping it classy with John Key
SATIRE: Prime Minister John Key has reiterated his trenchant criticism of the Waitangi weekend dildo chucker in his political commentary spot on The Edge's hilarious Nudge-Nudge Wink-Wink Morning Madness Breakfast Zoo Show with the Naughty-But-Nice Good Guys Jay-Jay and Dom.
"It was an appalling display" the Prime Minister said of the incident as shock-jock Dom fed him a live goldfish — a punishment for providing a wrong answer to the show's regular Guess The Caller's Bra-Size competition.
"The image of that flying sex-toy has gone world-wide. It's had huge media coverage. When people from overseas think of New Zealand, that's what they remember"
Spitting the remains of the now-dead goldfish into a Morning Madness-branded mug, the PM added "We're an outward-looking nation and we have to think of the image we leave in people's minds", before going on to confirm to Jay-Jay that yes, he normally did sit down to pee.
"Nothing wrong with that. I'm a modern kinda guy, I think the cleaners appreciate it and Bronagh certainly does".
The PM went on to stress that he appreciated that the dildo-chucker was entitled to get her point across, before lapsing into convulsions of giggling at his own innuendo.
"Getting her point across! She sure did! Get it? Ha! Oh gee I'll get in trouble with the PC crowd for that one", he chuckled as Dom squeezed one of those rubber-bulbed horns that make an "ark-ark" sound.
Key's comments on the Waitangi incident were part of a wide-ranging discussion on the breakfast radio show – immediately republished around the world by a number of media outlets — that traversed issues ranging from the Labour women's caucus (Kiss, Marry or Fire?) to the rules of etiquette for farting in a Crown limo.
"If it's been taco night at Bellamy's you can wind the windows down" Key confided. "I learnt that from Trevor Mallard."
The PM also defended his last-minute decision not to attend the Waitangi Day commemorations.
"I think that most New Zealanders can understand that I have no intention of taking part in a circus", he declared, as Dom fitted him with a silver-studded leather collar for a light-hearted "Owners Who Look Like Their Pets" photo-shoot.
"If I had gone there someone would have ended up trying to make me look silly, and the office of the Prime Minister — whoever resides in it — deserves some respect."
The PM then wrapped up the interview, explaining that he had a guest appearance on the catwalk of a fashion show where he planned to "put on a really gay shirt and mince it up big time".
Meanwhile a representative of the company that manufactures the sex-toy at the centre of the original incident has refused to respond to Key's remarks relating to it, saying only that it was a "classy product" that doesn't need to be associated with the likes of him.