Andrew Gunn: When PM RelateableBill went rogue on Twitter

Shaun Yeo

SATIRE
 

RelatableBill Hello @everyone Bill English twittering at you. After my pineapple and spaghetti pizza and walking-and-running posts went virulent I've decided to

RelatableBill What happened?

HeyPaula Oh @RelatableBill you silly but fundamentally competent old duffer! This is Twitter and there's max 140 characters! #lolz

RelatableBill Oop. My bod

HeyPaula No, it's "My bad" ! #facepalm! #butunderstandable #seriousjob #goodoldBill

RelatableBill As I was saying from now on I'll be twittering daily to demonstrate that I have street cred and authenticity

BeehivePR Sir that last part was not for publication. PM me

RelatableBill @BeehivePR Prime Minister you? No, Prime Minister me, I think you'll find

BeehivePR No it means "Private Message". Private message me

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RelatableBill Oop. My bod

BeehivePR God help us

HeyPaula @RelatableBill you're hilarious! #ordinarybloke

RelatableBill error404 page cannot be found

HeyPaula @RelatableBill sorry what was that last funny thing?

RelatableBill @HeyPaula just trying to twitter a pic of an amusing yellow cartoon character

HeyPaula @RelatableBill Minion

RelatableBill @HeyPaula Steady on there's no need for that

MangereMum (1/2) Excuse me is this where I can let someone know there's someone with two kids sleeping in a car outside my house

MangereMum (2/2) And I'm a bit worried about them

JacindaSmiles Can I establish my credibility by pointing out that by the government's own Housing Affordability Measure 4 out of 5 Kiwis struggle to afford a home

HeyPaula @JacindaSmiles No you can't #zipitsweetie #zipitgood

MangereMum @Jacinda Smiles Is that true?

HeyPaula People, people! This is the Prime Minister's twitter feed – why are you bringing politics into it? #spoilsports #boo!

RealDonaldJTrump My very good friend William English, whom I got to know deeply in one phone call, is being treated very very badly by twitter trolls. Sad!

RealDonaldJTrump Don't let them get you William! Remember no politician in history has been treated worse than me! Ever!

RemainsofJFK Hold my beer

AlfredNgaroMP @RelatableBill Hello Leader! Loving this new twitter account! Looking forward to working with you more! #teamplayerme

AlfredNgaroMP Hello? Anyone?

AlfredNgaroMP Is this thing on?

RelatableBill Looking forward to volunteering at working bee at local kindergarten this coming weekend #buildingawall

BeehivePR Good!

RealDonaldJTrump MEXICO WILL PAY!

RelatableBill Just took the kids to a "food truck" at a "night market". Had "pad thai" #delicious!

BeehivePR Excellent!

RelatableBill Though from a fiscal and planning viewpoint in the medium to long term the sustainability of using trucks for the purpose of serving food is

BeehivePR  No. Sir. No. Stay on message. #policyfreezone #funBill

RelatableBill @BeehivePR was that supposed to be a PM too?

BeehivePR Bugger. Sorry.

WannaCry @RelatableBill Your twitter account has been HACKED. Pay 300 euros in bitcoin IMMEDIATELY.

BeehivePR @RelatableBill URGENT ignore above message, pay no money #scam #beware

RelatableBill @BeehivePR no worries, I've been too busy PM-ing a Nigerian prince - think I've solved our infrastructure funding problems for ever! #forthewin

RelatableBill @StephenJoyce pse forward me the country's internet banking details ASAP

HeyPaula Oh @RelatableBill you're such a hoot! #morelolz!

RelatableBill Am I? Why?

 - Stuff

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