Meet the beans, my new best friends

The challenge was simple: Nelson Mail reporters were asked to try something they had always thought about giving a go. For Josh Reich it meant a month without meat.

It was supposed to be the worst month of my life. Having eaten and enjoyed meat from when I could first chew, the thought of giving up chicken, beef, pork and lamb for 30-odd days literally sent shudders of dread through my body.

I well and truly subscribed to the Homer Simpson "you don't win friends with salad" school of thought – that it's not a meal without meat.

Sure, it's not compulsory for breakfast, but the other big ones – lunch and dinner – needed some kind of flesh, and preferably not the "palm sized portion" recommended in the healthy eating guides.

Bacon, butterfly cuts of lamb, pork sausages – you name it, I ate it, and I had no problem with animals being slaughtered to fill my plate.

So when asked to undertake a challenge, denying myself one of life's greatest pleasures seemed like a good option. It would provide me with enough angst, pain and befuddlement to fill acres of page space.

Wouldn't it?

I was always destined to be a meat eater.

From my father's side of the family, my Austrian-Jew opa (grandfather) ignored one of the central tenets of his faith by demanding pork schnitzel for almost every meal.

My mother comes from generations of South Canterbury farming stock, where it would be a rare occurrence for a midday meal to pass without a roast meat taking pride of place on the kitchen table.

That mix of breeding ensured meat was always going to be on my plate, and so it was until moving to Nelson two years ago.

Before then, I had the odd-friend who was meat-free, but in Nelson the number of herbivores I've encountered has increased exponentially.

I have been unable escape it at home, with flatmate Lauren having refrained from consumption since embarking on "meat-free March", and Nic and Jess only occasionally indulging.

Being the only regular meat eater was never a problem, but it did show me people could survive happily without it.

Still, the thought of eating beans, veges and the like for a month did not particularly appeal.

Before embarking on the challenge, I had to set some kind of parameters. No chicken, beef, lamb, pork, venison or similar would pass my lips.

Cheese and eggs were fine, as was seafood, which I rarely eat anyway, so was hardly going to be a challenge.

I also thought it would be prudent to consult someone who knew something about nutrition.

According to Public Health community dietician Marion van Oeveren, vegetarian (no animal products eaten) or lacto-ovo vegetarian (eat dairy and eggs) lifestyles are generally healthy choices, although it is not as simple as "cutting out all meat, chicken and fish".

"You have to properly replace it," she advised.

Much of our daily intake of iron comes from meat, and as it is easily absorbed by the body, it is an effective way of getting the nutrient into the body.

In a worst-case scenario, a lack of iron can lead to anaemia, which causes mood swings, lethargy and shortness of breath.

In children, it can impair brain development.

Cheese is a good source of iron, but Mrs van Oeveren scotched my plans of eating cheese toasties for a month because of the associated impact on the waistline.

Some dairy is fine, but the best friends of the non-meat eater are beans, nuts and grains, with a dash of vitamin C to help the body absorb the goodies more effectively.

Mrs van Oeveren said provided I ate sensibly, there was no reason for my body to rebel against my new regime.

"If you do it properly and follow the principles of eating lots of fresh fruit, grains, and have some dairy food in there, it is generally a really healthy lifestyle."

Despite the obvious discomfort of not eating my favourite meals was going to cause, I was pretty confident of making it through a month without buckling

However, it did appear that during the the first week someone was doing their best to make me crack.

After a couple of days of being meat-free, I was off to cover a Port Nelson public briefing.

Not the most riveting of affairs, the port company is at least well know for its generosity when it comes to feeding its guests.

This year was no exception, and it was with a heavy heart that I had to avoid the bacon-wrapped scallops.

The following day, I had a trip to Murchison to meet the new owners of Murchison Meats.

That is the same Murchison Meats that makes some of the country's best bacon, and some damn good sausages as well.

I swear the rolls of prepared but uncut bacon smelt almost as good as when they come off the frying pan, but I resisted the temptation of buying some to keep frozen until my month was up.

I also began picking up the aroma that wafts from the Wurstwagen on the corner of Trafalgar and Hardy St when I walked past, something that I had never really noticed before.

To be honest, though, I was not finding life too tough.

The vege shop across the road had plenty of tasty produce, and having observed what Nic, Jess and Lauren generally put in their meals, I had a fair idea of what was on offer at the supermarket.

Beans became my new best friend, either on their own, mixed with veges, or spiced up on rice, and eggs and nuts could be added to pretty much anything for extra flavour.

Lunch was simple – pile anything you can think off between two slices of bread that are smeared with a variety of spreads.

In fact, the only time I struggled was when suffering the after-effects of one too many drinks on Friday night.

I don't normally crave anything on a hangover, but on waking there was only one thing on my mind. Bacon.

However, eggs were an OK substitute, as were Nic's extra strong coffee brews which I normally don't touch. In fact, most of my friends were highly supportive, if a little confused, about my challenge.

Other than Naomi, who placed a rank-looking bit of jerky on my desk (seriously, who even eats jerky these days?), Lisa who sent me a text every time she ate a steak for dinner and Nic who chased after me down Bridge St with a sausage roll, everyone was pretty good.

I did face something of an inquisition at a barbecue in Tahunanui, however.

With a table full of lamb, chicken and other tasty looking meats, my plate looked pretty sad with a couple of salads, and I found it hard to defend my stance to a group of people who I had never met before.

The consensus? "You're crazy."

After two weeks I was finding things a little more comfortable, so I thought I'd mix it up at little.

A couple of years ago at a barbecue I got tricked (read: picked up by mistake) into eating a vegetarian sausage, which tasted of nothing and had the texture of mush.

However, Lauren had been getting stuck into this "textured vegetable protein" of late, so I thought I'd give that a nudge.

A high protein meat substitute, it looks similar to and can be used much like mince.

Unfortunately, it tasted nothing like it.

Somebody whipped up a fake-mince bolognaise, and despite copious amounts of tomatoes, salt, pepper, herbs and vegetables, there was still a dry nutty flavour and stale odour rising from my plate.

I had be told that I wouldn't notice the difference.

Lies. Damn lies.

Mince may not be the king of meats, but at least among the grease and fat there is flavour, and the semblance of it actually being a food and not a highly processed substance.

Even worse than normal fake-mince was fake-mince chunks, which are dirt cheap from Bin Inn.

Dirt cheap as in, imagine a spongy clump of dirt, and then imagine eating it.

I also gave tofu a try in curries and stir-fries.

To be fair, it was far more tolerable than fake-mince, but put simply, it is not that fun to eat.

I've frequently heard that the beauty of tofu is that it absorbs the flavour of whatever it is cooked in.

I reckon if something needs to be cooked with something else to give it flavour, what's the point?

Before beginning my challenge, I had been warned about all manner of interesting phenomenon that would happen to my body, especially my bowels.

Without going into too much detail, I didn't notice much difference.

However, it was mentioned to me that my skin was looking a lot better, and after a couple of weeks I did have a feeling of being somehow lighter or less bloated.

Not that I generally walk around all day feeling stuffed, but it was definitely obvious that meat fills the stomach a lot quicker than other foods.

I had also been warned I'd be hungry all the time, another prediction that didn't come to pass. I didn't feel weak or under-nourished, the need to constantly fart, or less of a man for turning down a piece of steak.

My first meal back with meat was kind of underwhelming, and a month after the challenge ended, I have found myself eating a lot less meat. There is little chance of me giving up meat for good – it tastes far too nice to do that. But for possibly the first time I may be finding myself disagreeing with Homer Simpson. It really may be possible to win friends with salad.

- © Fairfax NZ News