A life spent tending those who had lost their way

Julia Teresa O'Connor, born Lower Hutt, May 7, 1922; died Nelson, December 4, 2009.

The night before Teresa O'Connor was buried, friends and family gathered at the family home at Appleby to honour her.

Spread out over the lawn and under the trees outside the house where Teresa had raised five strong-willed daughters and provided hospitality to countless visitors, they listened as, one after another, people rose to pay tribute.

The reminiscences went on for a long time. Everyone had a story to tell about this singular woman whose life was a practical expression of her religious faith. Most touched on her concern for others, her hospitality and humour.

Teresa – or Big T, as family and close friends often called her – never featured in the honours list and was not mentioned in the Who's Who. The very suggestion would have had her hooting with laughter.

But the impact she had on the lives of others, either by way of practical help or example, was evident that night and again the next day at her funeral in Richmond, where mourners packed the Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Help. The word "mourners", in this context, seems inappropriate because there was far more laughing than crying.

Teresa lived a life rich in laughter and even in darker times, of which she had her share, her humour rarely deserted her. Her daughters prepared a eulogy that neatly encapsulated the complexity of her character. She had a "gentle but compelling assertiveness" a steely resolve that was tempered by a mischievous wit, a contagious sense of fun and enormous compassion. And though she set firm standards for herself she wasn't judgmental about those who failed to match them.

Born Julia Teresa O'Brien in 1922, she grew up in Lower Hutt and moved to Nelson in her 20s. There she met Roddy O'Connor, a gentle farmer from Appleby who shared her love of words and poetry. They married in 1950 and had six daughters, the youngest of whom died. Teresa sprang from an Irish Catholic tradition characterised by empathy for the underdog and practical social activism. As one of her grandsons put it, she had "a special care for, and a wonderfully warm and open way with, the broken-hearted and the broken in mind". Many people who had lost their way in life found their way to Teresa's door and came away feeling strengthened.

She was a stalwart of the St Vincent de Paul Society, a worldwide Catholic charity that grew out of the slums of Paris. She and Roddy were involved in the No Maoris No Tour movement of 1960 and Amnesty International. Many years later they helped to establish Nelson's Trade Aid shop.

Teresa also belonged to the Maori Women's Welfare League, whose members provided a tribute at her funeral. She identified strongly with Maori, recognising that the Maori and Irish heritages had much in common. Most of her concern for others was acted out on a private level. Public grandstanding was not her way. But in the 1980s, Teresa publicly fought an attempt by the Waimea County Council to evict people living in housetrucks in the Appleby Domain.

Complaints the housetrucks prevented the domain from being used as a sports ground cut no ice with Teresa, who had lived in Appleby all her married life and knew that bat and ball rarely if ever connected there. She ultimately lost that fight, but wouldn't have considered her efforts wasted. She regarded her religious faith not as an abstraction but as something to be put into effect in all her dealings.

Roddy died in 1990 but Teresa continued to live on the farm at Appleby until illness and increasing frailty made it impossible. She was buried in the churchyard of her beloved Church of Saints Peter and Paul, Waimea West.

She is survived by her five daughters, all of whom inherited something of her intelligence, her wit, her way with words and her indomitable character.

- © Fairfax NZ News