Home and Garden
I'm in avocado heaven. My tree is loaded with lots of beautiful baby avos I hope will keep me and ours supplied with a bumper crop when the fruit matures later in the year. Right now they look so cute and full of promise, dangling from the ends of the branches, like baubles on a Christmas tree.
The tree's been in a few years and done exceptionally well in the abundant rainfall and deep, dark, well-drained Pohara soils. Unlike other avocado trees that have sprung round the garden from old compost heaps, the tree now fruiting is a grafted specimen.
While I can't remember the variety, it's a large green one, with a deliciously nutty flavour, ideal for summer salads and sandwiches. But, I have to admit, I'm not entirely optimistic I'll get to harvest this latest crop.
Last time the tree was laden most of the fruit was it matured and got heavier was ripped off by a rogue wind and they all ended up bruised and battered on the ground. What wasn't rendered inedible was eaten by the possums before I got them.
The rogue wind, I assumed at the time, was simply a hazard of nature, but lately I've beginning to think darker forces were at work.
You see, I've been reading up about things called chemtrails that some people in Golden Bay believe are being used subversively to modify the earth's atmosphere and control the weather in the fight against global warming.
Examples of how we ordinary folk are having the wool - or the cloud - pulled over our eyes, they say, are illustrated by constantly occurring and weird vapour trails left by planes, not just over Golden Bay and Nelson, but all over the planet.
I've never been much of a conspiracy theorist myself, instead preferring to base my, sometimes opinionated, opinions on rigorous scientific research, but I have to admit at times I've found myself standing in the garden, looking up in amazement at not just unusual cloud formations but also weird and wonderful vapour trials.
Now, I don't want you to think I've gone all flakey on you, but I must say I'm starting to have doubts about my previously-held opinions and, getting in the Golden Bay groove, have been wondering if, in fact, the innocent-looking vapour trials I'm noticing are possibly something more sinister.
Is it just me being suspicious, I ask myself, or do the trails seem to linger longer than they used to after the plane has flown past?
And, rather than the wind, I'm starting to wonder if it was chemtrail fallout that dropped something unnatural on my tree and took out my avocado crop last time.
Now, I know there may be lots of you already laughing at loud at me and my ideas about chemtrails, but think again. Think of the moon landing and JFK's (USA President John Fitzgerald Kennedy) assassination.
Growing up in the post-war 1960s and 70s golden age of hope, I always believed that man really did walk on the moon, even if he was wearing a silly suit. But, have you noticed how many magazine articles there are about how it was all a hoax, a studio set up filmed to feed the mass hysteria about space and our obsession with other planets and alternative life forms.
Made to sit in the school hall at the time and miss third period, I was thrilled someone managed to walk on the moon and get me out of another boring math class. I never doubted the moon landing was real until all the magazines started telling me otherwise.
And, having grown up on a diet of National Geographic magazine, I really did think JFK was killed at the now infamous Dealey Plaza in Dallas on November 22, 1963 by lone gunman Lee Harvey Oswald who was then killed by another lone shooter Jack Ruby.
That was until I also started seeing stories purported to be the "genuine" story suggesting JFK was killed as part of a covert coverup.
And, if you think I'm going out on a limb on my own here, I'm not alone because a Gallup Poll on just November last year found a majority of Americans still believe his death to be conspiracy (http://www.gallup.com/poll/165893/majority-believe-jfk-killed-conspiracy.aspx).
Which brings me to another possible cause of what I will call the "sudden drop" of my avocado crop last time; sonar research, which some are saying is linked to whale strandings, such as that on Farewell Spit last month.
Now, without wishing to diminish the tragedy of whale strandings, I admit I always thought the Spit strandings were probably due to the remarkably huge and rapid tidal change, leaving the whales and their own sonar system confused and caught by the shallow water.
But now, after reading what some are saying about the wider impact of sonar research, I'm beginning to wonder otherwise.
If sonar can cause whales to strand, I'm wondering what might it be doing not just to my avocado tree but the whole garden, especially when added to the effects of chemtrail fallout.
Last week one of my pittosporum suddenly dropped its leaves and played dead and now the fig tree is dropping its crop unexpectedly.
I know pittosporums are susceptible to sudden collapse and death from Phytophthora fungal attack on the roots, typically occurring after changes in soil from dry conditions, as experienced over the last part of January, to wet conditions, with rain, such we had last week.
And figs can spontaneously drop their crop if they're either water stressed (i.e. been dry) or overloaded with fruit, which my tree has been.
But, perhaps they're not such natural occurrences after all.
I'm also beginning to wonder about the real causes of other global garden related issues, such as Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD) of bees, that are dying out in alarming numbers.
Then there's my hair colour. Without a word of a lie, it's definitely going grey.
So, as you can imagine, I'm going to be keeping a close eye on my avocado tree this time and, at the first sign that something's not right with the crop, I'll let you know.
Information is power, so I think you'll all want to know when and if something is amiss so we can take a united stand on what I think could be an international conspiracy to stop folks like me growing avocadoes that look like Christmas trees.
But, it's just my own opinionated opinion, you understand.