Alastair Paulin

Nice girl, shame about the guys

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REVIEW: Your tolerance level for the sweet, funny sitcom New Girl will rest upon how much endearing hipster cuteness you can stomach.

The only answer is to run and hide

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Motueka is pumping with tourists; I can barely keep track of all the summer events, let alone report on them all, and the summer holidays are dragging on and on.

Focusing on the good things

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Motueka saw what Stoke missed out on when the Tasman Skatepark Tour hit town last Saturday.

Give your resolutions a helping hand

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I met up with my friend Nick Wiffen at the bustling Riwaka Market Day early in the new year.

This feels like a snow job in the summertime

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My appeal in the previous Motropolis for readers to tell me what they are grateful for was a resounding failure: zero responses.

A visit to the engine room of the world's economy

The name of this column is tongue-in-cheek: Motueka is not really a metropolis.

Celebrating silliness as a virtue

Motueka is not a silly place, and especially not in public.

Civil debate on disputed land use

Irma Jager does not come across as a revolutionary.

Roll up for all the fun of the fanzone

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On Tuesday night, I experienced emotional whiplash at the Motueka Recreation Centre.

Unleashing ugly Americans

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The region wore the red, white and blue of the USA on Tuesday – and so did I.

As if being named New Zealand's best town by Keep NZ Beautiful had not already gone to our heads, the crowning of Motueka's Brigette Thomas as New Zealand's Next Top Model confirmed our high opinion of ourselves.

Hype fatigue no reflection on love of rugby

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The youngest small suspect, 3, surprised us after dinner by hopping down from the table, ripping off his shirt and launching into a spirited and mostly accurate performance of the Ka Mate haka.

Abstinence disaster's wave of negativity

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S ince a certain telecommunications company apparently believes there's no such thing as bad publicity, I won't be mentioning its name.

It's not sustainable unless you're in it for the long haul

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I wrote a story this week about a Motueka entrepreneur who is trying to cultivate a local market for locally produced sawdust pellets.

We all live in Nelson

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The 200 or so spectators who braved last Saturday's downpour to watch Huia play Riwaka were treated to a close-fought brawl in the mud.

Cheesy, but sweet tears

The old joke goes that if you play a country music record backwards, your wife returns home, your dog comes back to life and you get out of prison.

Quality of life is more than just a numbers game

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OPINION: Following the annual scarefest that is the Budget, people have been falling over themselves to tell us how badly off New Zealand is.

It's winter, let's stay inside

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OPINION: On a blue-sky autumn day like the Thursday morning that I write, it is hard to imagine that Motueka will soon be plunged into darkness and despair.

Lay, ladies, lay - or off with your heads

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Arianna Puffington is eyeing me suspiciously as I swing the glinting axe.

Gaggle not a giggle

MOTROPOLIS - ALASTAIR PAULIN

Labour list MP Damien O'Connor is a popular figure in Motueka. He was elected to represent the town in Parliament four elections in a row until he, along with Labour, was turfed in 2008.

The goodwill gangs

Motropolis

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It is bee season in Motueka. Or at least in the Motueka Valley, the site of last Sunday's working bee at my place.

The Ring of no confidence

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OPINION: Are you reading this from the serenity of your seaside home, or have you fled for the hills?

Vomiting toddler not such a load to bear

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As I write on Thursday morning, I'm stuck at home with a sick three-year-old. The youngest small suspect has been exploding out both ends, and I've been on my hands and knees scrubbing vomit from carpets, washing sheets and towels and pants, and soothing brows.

Cheese such a hot item

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Without the frisson of the forbidden or the intimacy of love, isn't sex more like a workout than a wonderland?

Slothful? No, not me

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I've been infected by an odd desire – to do a triathlon.

Another traffic jam in the sticks

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These are the days when Motropolis really is a metropolis.

Just Warner Bros' whipping boy

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No matter how you look at it, New Zealand is the back of beyond, and Motueka, tucked into a geographically isolated pocket of the sparse South Island, is even more remote from the world's consciousness.

Time is all that gets killed now

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Motueka is no longer a Wild West town, but it just might be a Wild Woman town.

Discord where the land meets the sea

Motropolis

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The LEH Baigent Memorial Domain is a windswept and desolate place on a rainy Thursday morning.

Puppy love source of dog dislike

Motropolis

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Moira was my girlfriend when I was 15, if "girlfriend" is the right word for that beautiful girl you have a crush on, spend every Friday night with, take to school dances and have not quite plucked up the nerve yet to kiss.

Springing to the wrong conclusions

Motropolis

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Driving down the Motueka Valley on my way to work this morning, I saw newborn lambs on unsteady feet standing beside their mothers.

The real world of an armed police force

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When the tension rises, don't pull the trigger – swing an axe.

Dreams of lazy evenings by the fire go up in smoke

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The big sleep has settled upon Motueka. The double whammy of winter and the global recession has meant the town's annual hibernation has turned into sleeping with the fishes for some.

Revelling in the land of doers

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California may have the girls, the freeways, the cars, the sunshine ... but Motueka can still hold its own.

Vibrant spirit when cultures mix

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Here's a few things this Otago boy picked up while living in California before moving to Motueka: a weird accent, a love of NBA hoops and a craving for Mexican food.

Local knowledge often overlooked

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I have to confess to having a bit of a tizzy in the office this week. Our happy Motueka office of five has, as of the morning I write, welcomed another colleague, a refugee from the Nelson Mail's main newsroom, who works for the Fairfax subediting hub.