Romantic getaway with two women

OPINION: Yes! I said punching my mate from Mataura on the shoulder, writes Gerry Forde in this week's Southlander.

"I've cracked the greatest mystery in the universe: I understand a woman's mind."

"You certainly punch like a woman, perhaps you can think like one," he replied bluffing because I'd caught him a beauty on the nub of the bone.

"According to a book called Women Who Run With the Wolves, a woman is not one, but two."

"A woman is too ... too much for you," he replied smarting now because I'd hit the mark twice.

Suddenly, my wife's illogical behaviours made sense because she is really two people, two very different people.

Like that day when she was annoyed with her dad and really going to town about what he'd done.

Like a loyal husband I climbed into him, too.

Instantly, she turned on me: "How dare you talk about my father that way."

That confused me for 10 years. But now I see that my wife is two people one that hates, and one that loves, her dad and me and everything in the universe, depending on what we've done in the moment.

"See, us blokes average out the good and bad in people and treat everyone on an even keel. But a woman can hate one second and love the next because she is two," My mate from Mataura grunted.

Coming up to my birthday, I noticed that the good woman kept saying how old I looked. I just smiled because I knew that in behind the sarcasm, the other woman was using this tactic to make a fuss of my birthday.

I wrote a birthday wish list: socks, singlet, lights for the bike and a romantic weekend something there for both women.

And on the big day, I got the socks, the singlet and instead of lights a week for two in Wellington. The other woman had come through.

"Are you sure?" asked my mate from Mataura. "What has she said she's going to do in Wellington?"

"Spend a week at Te Papa."

He laughed but I replied: "It's not what she says that counts; it's what the other woman is thinking."

"Mate," he replied, "you better take along several books to read, anything except female psychology."

Male jealousy, I thought, but who can blame him I've got a week in Wellington with the other woman.

» Gerry Forde is the Venture Southland regional identity brand manager.

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