Two dads are better than one

OPINION: We played a father-son challenge on a one-eighth-sized billiard table and he'd give me a start of 50, which dropped over the years until I could beat him from scratch, writes Gerry Forde in this week's Southlander column.

You look up to your dad, imitate him, exceed him and then try to complete him.

When I was a teen, dad worked on the ovens at Freshbake in scorching heat. that no-one could handle for more than a week. He did 10 years. I'd call him the "Labouring Champion of the World" and he'd give me his Belmont.

I became the fastest dustman in the south, finishing the rounds by morning smoko.

He was an all up bettor, losing all his winnings on the last race. Except one day, he landed the big win and lost his ticket. We searched the house; we retraced his steps to the TAB. No sign of it. He ripped off his old hat in despair and the ticket dropped out.

I opted for greyhounds, famously selecting seven winners in a row to claim a three car prize. After that betting was dead to me.

After exceeding your dad, comes trying to complete and fulfil what he left unfinished in his life. Like dad longed to be a loving attentive father but the times and his temperament were against him. He got it right as a mellow gentle granddad, so I continued and made my children the centre of my life.

He thought of Ireland as home but never got there. We went for him.

The Depression robbed him of an education but he could still spell any word in the English language. So I wrote plays, and significantly, he died just before opening night.

My whole life makes sense as an attempt to imitate, exceed and complete my father.

I hope he's looking down on me with pride because I owe him everything I am. Yet I still didn't feel that I was complete within myself.

Then my father-in-law came to live with us. A completely opposite man to my father in every way a boss, not a worker, wise and good with money, careful, logical and non sentimental in decision making.

So I'm back to needing a head start of 50 but I have no regrets. My second father enables me to complete, not my dad, but myself.

Happy Father's day Joe and Ian.

» Gerry Forde is the Venture Southland regional identity brand manager.

- © Fairfax NZ News

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