I told you so: The Musical

OPINION: I have written a song. It's called I Told You So and it goes to the tune of the Dr Who theme, writes Sarah McCarthy in this week's Uptown Girl.

These are the lyrics: I told you so, I told you so, I told you so, I told you so, repeat.

In years to come music historians will study I Told You So and discover its hidden meaning.

"McCarthy," they will say, "Was making a well-disguised comment on the folly of New Zealand voting National in light of the late 2009 tag team hits of the ACC levy shocker and the Maori Television World Cup debacle."

They'll scratch their learned beards and adjust the waistbands on their pants – these august historians being ex-rap stars who now, due to numerous chills in the kidneys, have to wear high-waisted pants and underpants that fit properly.

"She had a point, too. She said, and we quote, 'If that creepy Key man-child gets in, all the rich will get richer and the poor will get deported to Australia where we can be cheap labour on Opal mines or something, while the remaining fwa fwas buy and sell NZ Rail shares and go sailing on their yachts and have apartments in Queenstown but have to do their own cleaning and cooking'.

"So, she didn't exactly predict the exact events, exactly, but she had a keen sense of the zeitgeist and stuff," they will say, wisely, slowly, "and stuff" being an acceptable way to end a sentence at learning institutions like polytechs and universities. And stuff.

"And, really, who could have predicted the whole 'Noooo, Maori TV can't have the Rugby World Cup because ... ummmm ... because ... hang on ... ummmm ... because we ... oh, because 15 people in Horowhenua can't get reception' thing the government did, with their dual bids for TVNZ and TV3 competing against their other bid for Maori TV, which ended in the Rugby World Cup people giving the coverage to CUE TV, catapulting certain presenters to untold fame and fortune and then brief, bloody world domination?"

They'll step outside to stretch their legs and chew some illegal nicotine gum, putting on their masks to stop the gamma rays from liquidising their lungs. One will stop underneath a massive statue called Suffer the little children unto me, cause I'm John Key and I met David Letterman, look around to make sure there aren't any American soldiers – sorry, freedom fighters – and say, "I wish we'd listened to her. Even though she is running Australiastan and has even managed to make it rain there through sheer force of will and has a great body for a 156-year-old, I wish she lived here because she is awesome".

Too late the music historians realise they have a traitor in their midst and are dragged off by the Secret Imperial Force Collective Managerial Committee to mine for oil in the great Southern Ocean Gulag, never to be seen again. And stuff.

» Sarah McCarthy is a Southland Times staff member.

- © Fairfax NZ News

Newest First

Oldest First

Whiny fat bloke   #3   03:22 pm Oct 27 2009

Hey Elbow Fudd, as you've been told before - if you don't like it, don't read it (assuming you can actually read, and that you don't have a helper monkey read it out for you). However, I suspect the opposite is true - you're a secret fan.

Laura   #2   10:46 am Oct 20 2009

Hahahahaha. Love it. Sarah, you make me proud to call myself a Southlander.

Elbow Fudd   #1   08:22 am Oct 20 2009

More tedium from the whiny fat chick...

Ad Feedback