Wait, what?

OPINION: Well, isn't it lovely to see Invercargill on the telly again, writes Sarah McCarthy in this week's Uptown Girl.

We did have extended coverage after that whole Shield thing, but I'm well and truly over that (as a true bandwagoneer should be). And it's far more exciting to be on the telly because the Mayor is having a right time of it and your newspaper is being blamed for all and sundry.

I have to admit that when I read Tim Shadbolt's column the other week, my heart leapt into my chest when he wrote of a "Power Couple" because, naturallement, I assumed it was me and Mr mr. Or me and the cat. More likely the cat, as he 's always planning something. Mr mr is too busy wondering where the stain on his jersey came from to do anything tricksy.

But no, the Power Couple was one part of the axis of Bossy and his ladywife. And since then there has been all sorts of mud slinging and hooting in the bushes and banjos twanging softly in the background.

It's not like me to take an interest in council things. I just pay my rates (okay so Mr mr pays the rates, I borrow $20 and go to H&Js for a Texas savoury and some lolly cake) and sometimes I stop to admire the sculpture outside the council building when I go to pay a parking ticket. And, like, vote and stuff.

My mind is too full of lofty things to worry about the council (why do I not own a black bra? Are Cheezles and Twisties the same thing? What am I wearing to Tash's 21st?) and the only vaguely political thing I do is try to bring down the ILT by drinking them dry.

One day I will probably be very political. I assume I will eventually become the Mayor myself, or at the least the Mayoress (can you marry your cat?) but until then, I have always assumed, I could remain blissfully ignorant and when the time came, rely on everyone else to do all the work while I drink heavily and go on endless junkets and just be fascinating and witty and well-dressed.

But now I am interested. Especially since there have been threats of murder on the dancefloor (wasn't it?) and the telly people have been In My Building and people I know are on the TV, talking talking yap yap yap. I'm interested, though, mainly because I wasn't asked anything.

Why doesn't someone with lots of makeup and a big fuzzy microphone ask ME what I think? Aren't I the one with the opinion around here? Does nobody care about my political aspirations? Or book deal? Then again, as a backstabbing bitch, it's not really in me to take sides (I prefer to be nice to everyone and run them down behind their backs) and also probably you're not supposed to talk smack about your boss or the Mayor, because either or both could come at you with a sharp pencil and shove it in your ear and make it look like an accident.

If I was interviewed on the telly I'd probably end up being just the fat one with frightful hair they always ask on the street and I'd probably stutter, "I like the way the infrastructure is being maintained and I would also like to go to the Christmas work do, please".

Bum.

» Sarah McCarthy is a Southland Times staff member.

- © Fairfax NZ News

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Steve   #1   02:54 am Nov 26 2009

I think the stain on Phil's jersey may have been the remains of a recently eaten pie. In fact I'm certain that's the case.

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