The Hills

OPINION: So Hillary Clinton – or as my mother once famously called her, Mrs America – was coming to Noo Zild to pat us on the head and probably go bungy jumping – although now her trip has been postponed because of the earthquake in Haiti, writes Sarah McCarthy in this week's Uptown Girl.

I'm actually a bit relieved it's off.

Although, as a member of the press, I was emailed a form to fill out if I wanted to apply to be part of the phalanx of reporters who will be shadowing her every move. Of course, our budget didn't run to sending a badly behaved columnist to Wellington to ask Hill to the C a bunch of inappropriate questions that would probably only be funny to me, which is a shame really, as I've always wanted to be part of a press scrum in Wellington.

All journos in this part of the country know each other too well to bother being in a scrum – most of us either studied together or have all helped prop up a bar somewhere and are most likely to send the least hungover one to a press conference with all of our lists of questions and a V with a Berocca in it. I also liked the idea of being, if not the person with the well-thought-out questions, the person seen on telly thrusting their dictaphone in front of Hizzle's face and nodding feverishly while Duncan Garner does all the work.

But now the trip is off and I am relieved because I was actually a bit worried about her visit.

You see, I had planned on pointedly wearing a white bio-hazard suit to any press events (not terribly flattering, I know, but worn with the right shoes and accessories it can be an interesting look, brimming with social commentary – if not a particularly slimming one) because I can't forget that boring old one from National (Brash? Brusque?) saying that the Yanks would be flinging uranium all over the place "by lunchtime" if the Nats goose-stepped into the Beehive.

And old John Key seems so star struck any time he talks to anyone who's even been on telly, let alone the most powerful woman in the world, that I imagined he'd just smile and nod and be too busy trying to think of something witty to say instead of listening properly, and would accidentally agree to some vile trade deal and before we know it we'd be inundated with over-sexed American GIs with their silk stockings and uranium sandwiches and David Lange would be making serious celestial plans to stage a remake of poltergeist in Key's office. You know?

I'll just have to be ready for next time.

» Sarah McCarthy is a Southland Times staff member.

- © Fairfax NZ News

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Jill   #1   03:28 pm Jan 20 2010

Always read your column, love it.

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