Who's in charge of the remote control?

OPINION: It might be that the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world, writes Pat Veltkamp Smith in this week's And Another Thing.

However, the hand that holds the remote has a fair degree of clout, quietly controlling what's seen, what is heard and what's glimpsed with tantalising brevity never to be seen again.

In most households that remote is an extension of a man's arm, his hand reaching anxiously for it should it slip from his control into, he fears, the hand of another.

It is not that he doesn't like what's on.

It is just that men know there's more, something out of reach, down the road, around the corner, over the horizon – or on another channel.

It is that urge that set them sailing round to find the rest of the world and then, inexplicably, the moon.

They've not bothered to go back there – didn't like it enough – but can say they had a look.

Same as flicking to the Living channel which they won't like, hitting Discovery, which they probably will, then abandoning both for tennis when they find that on.

There are programme listings in print daily in every newspaper, but the remote controller doesn't bother with them.

That's too much like reading the instructions.

No, he is his own search engine, loving the challenge, providing quiet torment for those sharing the night watch.

Thank heavens school has gone back and programmers so curiously linked with the academic year will come on stream again.

We have had endless reruns and repeats, strange old news bulletins airing long ago success stories of some channel in the popularity polls, nights of Coronation Street added in to the confusion of sudden channel swings, venetian blinds, rain fade, instructions to "contact your provider" who is nobody we know or knows us – and so to bed.

Interior design magazines are now flaunting his `n' hers in everything from pillows to shower heads, matching mattresses, side by side wash basins.

Wonder if anyone's thinking of matching remotes?

» Pat Veltkamp Smith was Southland Times women's editor until 1997 and is a former president of the Southland Justices of the Peace Association.

- © Fairfax NZ News

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