Digg'd i' th' dark

As sure as an earwig in your nectarine, so it is February and Shakespeare in the Park time, writes Sarah McCarthy in this week's Uptown Girl.

So I am again transforming from mild-mannered scribbler to my alter-ego Big Fat Thespian, who treads the boards with her Big Fat Thespian boots on whose super power is no sleep and too many coffees and ciggies and, hopefully, wineies.

This year there's a whole different Shakespeare Palooza, which is plenty of big happy fun time, especially seeing as I am:

a) getting makeup put on by another person and not having to do my own (I love having makeup put on me. I would spend all of my time at the H&J Smith counters having countless makeovers if I was a Lady That Lunched instead of a Lady That Has Too Much For Lunch and needs a job to pay for it) and

b) I am playing a woman ... of sorts ... but definitely not a man with cataclysmically unflattering pants and eyebrows of doom like last year.

But thoughts of Shakespeare have turned to Hubbles and Bubbles and Toils and Troubles since listening to a snippet of John Key's speech this week, promising to give to the rich and shaft the poor.

All I can say is this (and only because I am not a political person, really, I just fixate on one person and hate everything they do regardless, which is actually rather childish but you're not the boss of me so neener neener neener)  I think John Key may have had a stroke or is a bit of an afternoon imbiber. The economy comes out sounding like "a colony'' and taxpayers as "taxssspysss''.

 I think he might need to go to Toastmasters, or at least speech.

And is it me or does he always seem to be wearing a polo shirt? Even if he is in a suit and tie you can sort of see the ghost of a polo shirt lurking around him somewhere, like he's just itching to get out on his yacht.

And do you know what? I'm not going to pay an extra 2.5 per cent GST.

 I already pay a massive, filthy load of tax and for what  for roads and a defence force I don't agree with (although, naughty or not, Willie Apiata is One Hot Piece of Commando), and on top of that I'm still paying off my damn student loan and will be for the next 70 of 80 years or so.

And so, by troth, I will refuse to pay the extra. I will stop buying things completely, begorrah. I will become self-sufficient and Go Off The Grid and that will show them all!

Cackle cackle cackle. Just as soon as I work out how to make my own Coke Zero and grow my own tobacco.

» Sarah McCarthy is a Southland Times staff member.

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