This week's news in brief

OPINION: On these long summer days are you too busy having a lifestyle to read all the sections of this excellent newspaper? writes Joe Bennett this week.

Me too. So here for your convenience, all in the one spot, is a digest of the lead story in each section.

Business News
At its annual shareholders' meeting, Destiny Ltd, the international hokum and novelties group, announced a 19 per cent increase in pre-tax profit.

Excluding non-recurring items and abnormal capital expenditure, operating revenue rose 27 per cent, reflecting the company's emphasis on tight cash management.

Board chairman Bish Tamaki said, "The board is delighted with the result in what has been a difficult trading environment. The group is in a strong position to profit from improving market conditions going forward."

Group managing director Bish Tamaki said the company continued to outperform more established players in the global hocus-pocus industry. "Our lean business structure has enabled us to respond nimbly to the market, as demonstrated by our successful introduction of covenant rings, the installation of eftpos terminals in all business centres, and the outsourcing of delinquent tithe collection."

Bish Tamaki singled out for praise the dynamic contribution of chief executive Bish Tamaki and company secretary Mrs Bish Tamaki, and urged shareholders to ratify the proposed increase to their remuneration packages.

Entertainment
In ousting Horror in Haiti from the top spot in this week's box office ratings, The Chilean Catastrophe demonstrates the theatre-going public's unquenchable thirst for reality disaster movies. At the same time it serves as a warning to film-makers.

Chief executives from the major studios are said to be collaborating on a schedule in order to ensure a chance of box office success for all catastrophe movies. A spokesman said it was in everyone's interest to space disasters evenly through the year so as to wring all possible emotional content from each one. "The viewing public's a fickle beast," he added. "It hoovers up new shows but it constantly craves novelty and it forgets fast."

Religious affairs
An application for tax exemption by a Wellington church has been opposed by the IRD.

A spokesman for the IRD said the distinction between an established church and a cult was a grey area. "No-one disputes that the RFU, for example, is an established church with its long tradition of public worship. Although Wellington Phoenix is drawing huge and fanatical congregations, we feel it is premature to grant them tax exemption. We've seen too many cults come and go."

An elder of the church said Phoenix catered to a spiritual need that was being poorly served by the established churches. "The RFU is out of touch," he said. "It has become enmired in theological detail such as the law of the Tackled Ball, and the congregations are voting with their feet. The modern worshipper requires both contemporary relevance and spiritual uplift, as with our beautiful ritual of male disvestment towards the end of each service. We're here to stay."

National news
The Department of Immigration has confirmed a European crime suspect evaded screening at Auckland airport earlier this month. "It was a severe breach of security," a department spokesman said. "As soon as we were aware of it we contacted the police anti-terror unit."

The suspect was eventually located in a public theatre addressing followers. Official sources refused to name the suspect but it is widely believed to be Clifford Richard, a British citizen wanted in numerous countries for crimes against entertainment.

"There are several of these ageing international crims cruising the world and you just never know where they're going to pop up next," a spokesman said. "It's terrifying."

International Affairs
Prominent thinkers are gathering in Los Angeles this week for the annual summit that dictates American foreign and domestic policy for the year ahead.

"Many summits are mere talk-fests," an International Policy Unit spokesman said, "but the Oscars really do influence things. I'm particularly looking forward to G Clooney's take on the healthcare debate and Professor S Bullock is always worth listening to on Afghanistan."

Sport
The manager of Nats Athletic, who are currently heading the championship table, has denied that the dramatic sending off and suspension of midfielder Heatley will derail their season.

"Phil will be missed, for sure," said manager John Key at a mid-week press conference, "but when you're leading the competition everyone wants to have a crack at you and we're subject to constant scrutiny from referees."

Meanwhile, cellar-dwellers Act United have ignored calls to sack their extreme right-winger who wants referees sterilised. "If I dumped players for outbursts of lunacy,' said manager Rod Hide, "pretty soon I wouldn't have a team."

» Joe Bennett is an English-born travel writer and columnist who lives in New Zealand with dogs. His columns are syndicated in newspapers throughout New Zealand.

- © Fairfax NZ News