Death and Danny Boy

OPINION: Personal memories of loved ones with cancer flooded over me as I sat with 30 others waiting for process psychology founder Arny Mindell to Skype a woman with terminal cancer, writes Gerry Forde in this week's Southlander.

Her living face appeared on the big screen in front of us, pale and weary.

"The diagnosis is not the person," Arny had said earlier.

Still the atmosphere of death touched us all. The connection faltered. "I can't see or hear you," said the woman.

She was for flagging it but Mindell wouldn't hear of it. Afterwards he explained: "Her doctors have given up on her and she is in danger of giving up on herself. I was never going to give up."

The connection restored, I wondered how this little man, who was famous for communicating with people in comas, would approach the woman who now had her head in her hands. He asked about her medication and health. She answered then said, "It's sad but who cares?"

As she said this she raised a hand and the fingers were quivering. This was Mindell's lead: "I like what your fingers are doing."

She hadn't noticed. "What does it feel like when your fingers move like that?" he asked.

"Freedom," she replied.

"Oh, crazy freedom!" laughed Mindell. And he was right because immediately she was smiling and throwing her head back.

"Tell me," he said, "if you could do one crazy thing right now, what would it be?"

"Sing an Irish song at the top of my lungs!"

"So sing!" laughed Arny.

"I don't know any Irish songs!" she laughed.

"Then how about we sing you one?"

"That would be amazing!" she grinned.

Someone started Danny Boy and the woman's face lit up. She was laughing and clapping. The singer faltered and I fed her the words and we sang some more.

At the end, Arny said to the woman: "Yeh, you have some sad stuff to face but you also have some crazy things to do."

She was full of joy, gratitude and plans, crazy plans.

Mindell had helped her to that point within 30 minutes simply by unfolding the significance of her quivering fingers. I left the room with my heart brimming, buoyed up to do some living of my own.

» Gerry Forde is the Venture Southland regional identity brand manager.

- © Fairfax NZ News