Say nothing, and nothing will be done

OPINION: Some people hate confrontation; my family thrives on it, writes Mary-Jane Thomas in this week's Work to Rule.

One of my favourite memories of Christine French (now Justice French) when she practised in Invercargill was sitting in her firm's library discussing tactics in a case she was representing members of my family in. My father and I were arguing about whether he should give evidence. We were so loud that the cleaner came in to check whether or not Justice French was all right.

At the end of this meeting, as we were about to go, I turned to my father and said "I'll see you down at the farm for a cup of tea".

I remember that Justice French looked quite shell-shocked and could not comprehend how a cup of tea could follow the "discussion" she had witnessed.

Because we were brought up in an environment where we argued vociferously with each other about everything (politics, sport, religion) and then literally had a cup of tea, in my practice as a lawyer I am comfortable with confrontation. In my opinion it is often a very good way to clear the air, get people to say what they really mean and can often mean parties can sit down at the end of it and "get over it".

For years I have been looking for someone else who agrees with me. Denise Gluyas is a professional speaker who speaks regularly about assertiveness. You can get more details at wwwspeakupspeakout.co.nz.

In an article, she writes "a quiet office of hard-working employees might seem like paradise but, in reality, poor communication will have a detrimental effect on your business. New Zealanders are world-class at dodging conflict, not saying what we mean and not speaking up for what we want".

She goes on to opine that we have moved away from "straightforward talking" because we fear confrontation and rely, for example, on email.

While I know she certainly would not suggest the type of discussions had in the Thomas family should occur at work, she does say that unless people speak up at work, others may have no idea of their ambitions or concerns held.

Employers, and equally employees, are not mind-readers.

I know, for example, that one of the most destructive things in a work environment is for people to complain about their boss to colleagues or complain about things "at work" to colleagues without actually ever going to anybody who has the power to change it.

At least if the employer or manager is told what is wrong they can either fix it (problem solved), say why it cannot be fixed (which the employee can either agree with or not, and if they do not like it can then move on to another job) or ignore it (which if it is an important matter may at least lead to the employee having a personal grievance).

The failure to say anything, however, only creates negativity in a workplace – and, frankly, as an employer I would much prefer an employee to come into my office and tell me what is wrong than hear about it second hand via the tea lady.

On a "why I wish I was a lawyer in America" note, the latest gem is The Detroit News reports a US$100,000 (NZ$139,800) settlement in a federal lawsuit filed in 2008 under the Americans with Disabilities Act by a city employee who said a colleague's perfume made it challenging for her to breathe and do her job.

» Mary-Jane Thomas is a partner at Preston Russell Law. E-mail questions to mary-jane.thomas@prlaw.co.nz.

- © Fairfax NZ News

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