I'm, like, empowered

OPINION: I've been thinking about chocolate a lot - helped, no doubt, by the Peppy Chew sitting on my desk, writes Sarah McCarthy in this week's Uptown Girl.

It could be argued that I spend a lot of my time thinking about chocolate but that's not true – I also think about getting a perm and John Key and an imminent zombie invasion. But I've been thinking specifically about chocolate this week, in the wake of what we chocoholics may like to call The Great Chocolate Thing What Happened With Cadbury's This Year.

So you know the story, it's a tale as old as time and reads like something out of Shakespeare or at the very least The Hills: chocolate company rebrands chocolate, makes it foul, there's a huge public outcry and the company then crawls on its hands and knees trying to win back its once-adoring public, including handing out handfuls of free chocolate on the streets.

Now let's take a minute to think about this. Feel free to make thinking noises (I like to say "Does Not Compute" in a Dalek-like voice): In the age of shadowy multi-nationals taking over the world and turning every restaurant into a McDonald's and every shop into the Warehouse and telling us what to buy and where and when, a huge multi billion-dollar company (and let's not pretend for a second that we believe that Cadbury is a cosy little NZ-owned and operated company that has its main offices in Dunedin where a kindly old man who looks a bit like Santa runs the business and it's all sunshine and happiness and kittens and bunnies and everyone burps rainbows) listened to consumers and changed its hand-rubbing, naughty-man ways because a bunch of chocky lovers and environmentalists packed a collective sad.

When the hell has this ever happened before? Shouldn't we be taking this as a sign? When everyone sticks together, can we actually change things? Without having to have a referendum, or do big protests or shave our heads and burn our bras and not have showers?

I urge you, peoples of the revolutions, to make further stands. Demand, for a start, while Cadbury's is still reeling and now having to deal with the Minties fallout as well, for old-style Caramello to be brought back Right Blummin Now.

And that Comedy Central stop playing the same 12 episodes of Seinfeld and 30 Rock over and over again.

And that John Key does less handshaking and grinning and does some actual politicking for New Zulnd.

And that I should be the queen of you all.

And that if Stephen King is going to write a big long book he can't just go lalalalalalalalalalala all through the middle bits, there has to be actual stuff in there.

Anything else? Let me know. We'll sort it out. How empowering! I feel like Kate Sheppard, except I'm not selfless and committed and, like, a good person and stuff.

Viva Viva Viva!

» Sarah McCarthy is a Southland Times staff member.

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Wendy   #4   11:16 pm Nov 22 2009

So are you empowered or something like empowered?

You cannot simply insert the word 'like' before every other word. It makes you sound poorly educated, with bad vocabulary and probably poor diction.

You also sound like some ghastly Valley Girl tramp. Stop it.

sary d   #3   04:23 pm Nov 22 2009

A really, really good point - made amidst the ditzy (but entertaining) writing style.

chocolate every day   #2   07:11 am Nov 22 2009

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm caramello. I have to say always was my favourite, licking a hole in the top and sucking out the caramello, hmmmmmm. BUT in the last few years all cadbury chocolate including roses have got way too sweet and are now sickly and I don't buy them anymore. Are you listening cadbury? get rid of half the damned sugar.

lisa   #1   11:10 pm Nov 21 2009

always funny as.luv your column.

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