Top 10 worst celebrity workout videos
In the late 80s and 90s, celebrity fitness videos were like bums - everyone had one. And what perfectly sculpted and toned bums they were.
These days, the celeb fitness video has become something of a rare beast, reserved for only the most notorious of C-listers. Here's our list of the top 10 worst...
1. Kim Kardashian: Fit In Your Jeans By Friday
With just two cheeks and a whole lot of belfies, Kim K's orb-like derriere has managed to spawn a multi-million dollar empire.
In her 2009 fitness video, she explains the secret behind her prized asset is simply a "well-rounded" workout.
But some serious questions remain unaddressed. Why would you buy jeans that don't fit in the first place? And what Friday are we talking about, Kim? This Friday or Friday in a year's time?
2. Claudia Schiffer: Perfectly Fit Buns
The year was 1995, a golden age when it was natural to refer to one's buttocks as "buns". Supermodel Claudia Schiffer took up the opportunity to display her, erm, German buns, in a workout video almost too perfect to be true.
The whole video is like Instagram before Instagram even existed, all beachfront settings, artistic shots and sepia tones. Not that Claudia would ever need a filter, mind.
3. Carmen Electra: Aerobic Striptease
This is one of those workout videos where you'd definitely want to make sure the curtains are pulled when you're attempting to bust a move in your living room. Or bedroom, for that matter.
One of the burlesque dancer's routines (remember when she used to perform with the Pussycat Dolls?) involves clambering up onto a bed and gyrating while smouldering into the camera.
I hate to be a prude, but as far as workout videos go, this one is simply shameless.
4. Fabio: Fabio Fitness
If there was ever a body part to rival Kim Kardashian's bum, it would be Fabio's chest. That crevasse between his pecs is like the eighth wonder of the world.
You would think the results speak for themselves, but unfortunately the romance novel coverboy seems to spend more time flipping his famed luscious locks away from his face than actually working out.
How does he do it, then? Someone get that man a hairtie.
5. Chuck Norris: Private Lesson
From one male hulk to another, in 1997 martial arts legend Chuck Norris dedicated a whole VHS tape to teaching us plebs how to kick butt.
Makes frequent and good use of slow motion (don't try this at home, kids). Does not make such good use of lighting and background (he performs all his moves in front of a cardboard cutout skyline - very low budget).
6. Cher: Body Confidence
If Cher could turn back time, would she still have made this video? Probably - if there is one thing the 67-year-old has plenty of, it is body confidence.
The sheer number of leotards worn by Cher in this exercise video from 1992 is very impressive. Emphasis on sheer.
Every time she lunges, you see parts of the woman's body you never even knew existed.
7. LaToya Jackson: Step Up
Where to even begin. The banana yellow G-string leotard, the teased hair, the painted on eyebrows. Of all the train-wrecks to besmirch the Jackson family, this unfortunate exercise video must rank up there.
The worst part is LaToya's blatant lack of enthusiasm for the project.
There is no pep in her grapevine, no fight in her fist punches. LaToya isn't even leading the aerobics class - her only job is to giggle nervously and yelp, "let's go, guys!" every few minutes.
8. Mel B: Totally Fit
With her brash sense of humour and crazy hair, Scary Spice was always considered one of the least popular members of the Spice Girls, and of all the girls, her career was slowest to take off when the band disintegrated (RIP).
Then she had a fling with Eddie Murphy and all of a sudden she was appearing on UK Dancing With the Stars and X Factor like nobody's business.
The product of her C-list fame is this foray into fitness from 2008, nowadays most likely to be found deep within the sales bin at The Warehouse.
9. Geri Halliwell: Geri Yoga
From one Spice to the next, this is also dire workout video viewing (though Scary and Ginger have to at least be admired for their efforts - Sporty, isn't this the kind of thing you should be doing?).
In this 2001 vid, Geri has opted for the more new-age workout of yoga.
Unfortunately, any sense of serenity is destroyed by Geri's constant mindless babble, like when she tells us, "I find this posture gives you a kind of mental stability, as well as physical". Pipe down, Geri.
10. Girls Next Door: Girls Next Door Workout
Bored of shopping and attending costume parties, in 2007 Hugh Hefner's former posse decided to knock out an exercise video in the backyard of the Playboy mansion.
Each routine is meant to represent the girls' individual personalities. We have Holly's Express Workout, Bridget's Bunny Bootcamp and Shape Up With Kendra.
No sign of a Hugh's Exercises for the Elderly segment though. Disappointing.